January
Sucked
Febuary
Sucked
March
Sucked
April
Sucked
May
Sucked even more
June
Suprisingly alright, my bands first gig
July
Sucked
August
Moved into Layton, fantastic
September
My birthday - Sucked
October
Sucked
November
Pretty sucky
December
Total sucked
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Christmas comes but once a year,
And thank god for that,
It's bloody dear!
So, yep, it's that time of year again people, the season of goodwill, AKA the season of being nice to those who piss you right off and then you have to write them a christmas card, even though you quite frankly couldn't give a toss if they were found dead in the gutter (I am thinking of a certain parents boyfriend here).
I have been a right scrooge face this year, I have only gotten family members and close friends xmas cards, and only gotten my parents christmas presents, well, getting, as I am getting my dads xmas present tomorrow, and how did I afford his bloody expensive christmas present.
CAROL SINGING!!
But, oh no, none of that
"We wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year" *holds hand out expecting a few quid* bullshit, nope, not for me, I went round the houses in my local area, with my guitar singing Slade's famous xmas song, "Merry Christmas Everybody", and in just over an hour, I made fifteen quid, which quite nicely has bought me two bottles of cheap plonk, and £10 to go towards the £5 i already have to get my dads christmas presant tomorrow. I feel kind of bad spending £15 on my dad, and only £8 on my mum, but I feel my dad deserves it, he has had a shit year, what with my mum leaving him for a piece of shit, being homeless for a period of time, living with my grandad, living in a grey box room of a flat in St.Annes (it was horrible to see him there, and typing about it gives me bad memories of a time I never want to see again), whilst my mum had our home in Fleetwood with a piece of shit, and a murderer of a brother threatening my dad to keep away otherwise he will beat him up worse than last time.
Thankfully, this part of the year has gone, it'll soon be 2007, and a brand new year, when the horrible things of this year can be forgotten! So yes, on Christmas day, my dad will have his Windy Miller statuette that he has wanted for a fair few months now.
So, another thing I am getting sick to my back teeth of, playing fucking Last Christmas by Wham! And we have only played it once at a gig, but it's a total crap song to play, and for the record, I never really wanted to do it, I wanted to do Christmas Time by Cliff Richard!! Alas, I couldnt find chords for it anywhere!
Oh, in other news, TEPODD is expanding, alongside new recruit, Arran B on Keyboards, Jimmy Kage from Blackpools Senton Bombs, will be joining on trumpet and violin!!
Booyah!!
Merry Christmas all, and a happy new year!!
Kristoff xXxXx
It's bloody dear!
So, yep, it's that time of year again people, the season of goodwill, AKA the season of being nice to those who piss you right off and then you have to write them a christmas card, even though you quite frankly couldn't give a toss if they were found dead in the gutter (I am thinking of a certain parents boyfriend here).
I have been a right scrooge face this year, I have only gotten family members and close friends xmas cards, and only gotten my parents christmas presents, well, getting, as I am getting my dads xmas present tomorrow, and how did I afford his bloody expensive christmas present.
CAROL SINGING!!
But, oh no, none of that
"We wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year" *holds hand out expecting a few quid* bullshit, nope, not for me, I went round the houses in my local area, with my guitar singing Slade's famous xmas song, "Merry Christmas Everybody", and in just over an hour, I made fifteen quid, which quite nicely has bought me two bottles of cheap plonk, and £10 to go towards the £5 i already have to get my dads christmas presant tomorrow. I feel kind of bad spending £15 on my dad, and only £8 on my mum, but I feel my dad deserves it, he has had a shit year, what with my mum leaving him for a piece of shit, being homeless for a period of time, living with my grandad, living in a grey box room of a flat in St.Annes (it was horrible to see him there, and typing about it gives me bad memories of a time I never want to see again), whilst my mum had our home in Fleetwood with a piece of shit, and a murderer of a brother threatening my dad to keep away otherwise he will beat him up worse than last time.
Thankfully, this part of the year has gone, it'll soon be 2007, and a brand new year, when the horrible things of this year can be forgotten! So yes, on Christmas day, my dad will have his Windy Miller statuette that he has wanted for a fair few months now.
So, another thing I am getting sick to my back teeth of, playing fucking Last Christmas by Wham! And we have only played it once at a gig, but it's a total crap song to play, and for the record, I never really wanted to do it, I wanted to do Christmas Time by Cliff Richard!! Alas, I couldnt find chords for it anywhere!
Oh, in other news, TEPODD is expanding, alongside new recruit, Arran B on Keyboards, Jimmy Kage from Blackpools Senton Bombs, will be joining on trumpet and violin!!
Booyah!!
Merry Christmas all, and a happy new year!!
Kristoff xXxXx
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Bastarding sodding grumping moaning whinging twat.
Yes, thats me. Honest, I really do hate many things, and today I am going to take some time out of whinging about them outloud, to whinge about them via my fingers.
It's a bit hard being a middle aged bloke in the body of a 19 year old, things piss me off that shouldn't piss me off, and for me, the one big one I should understand, but don't, is technology. I am crap with it, give me a phone I break it within a short amount of time, it takes me about an hour of constant messing about with the leads, restarting the pc, etc, just to upload a couple of photos onto that internet phenomena that is Myspace. I shan't put a link onto it, I'm addicted, thats bad enough. Now, yeah, you must have already figured my camera is a camera phone. WRONG! No, it's a camera. I fucking hate people calling me on it, firstly it buzzes in my ear and is annoying, secondly, I ditest talking to people on the phone, especially when I am in public. When I am on the bus, one thing that annoys me so much to the point of me exploding with rage is people, in the almost Trigger Happy TV stylee, shouting down their mobiles. It makes me want to go to them and pull their phone away from their ear so they can concentrate on me, and explain, that just because their boyfriend/girlfriend/child/parent/spouse/other is 20 miles away, it does NOT mean they have to shout to them, the microphone in the mobile will pick up their voice.
So anyway, I don't like talking on my phone in public for that very reason, the fact that someone could listen in on my conversation scares me, I'm a private person. The other reason for me not wanting my mobile phone on me, is the only people who ring me is my cousin, Phil, and my mum. Both of whom are quite dull to talk to on the phone, the conversation mainly consists of listening to them breating. All in all, I really REALLY hate mobile phones.
So, at the moment, I am really starving and there is no food I can eat in the house, my dad ate all the chips, instant mash, etc, the stuff that you can have with fish, or pie, or sausages. This is annoying because I haven't eaten all day now. Whilst I am on the topic of food, Greggs.
Greggs and Hampsons are the most evil places on earth. They annoy me from the second I step in the shop. I put one foot through the door, there they are like a pack of lions making the sudden attack on their unsuspecting prey.
"Yes please?"
The woman behind the counter asks with a forced cheeriness to her voice... this is instantly annoying, because I haven't yet devoloped the skill of foresight, enabling me to know exactly what I want to buy as soon as I walk into the shop. I feel like shouting "You don't know me as a regular, you don't know exactly what I am going to have, and are asking "yes please" just because its part of your job!"
I mean, christ! Is it too much to ask for a little space when I go in so I can have a look what there is? So, anyway, after you have ignored her battle cry of "Yes please?", you go to look what is in stock to munch on. You look up. Her gaze follows you across the units. There is no escape, you're in her lair, you need to get something. Your mind starts to panic, you can feel it in her mind thinking "Hurry up, I wanna get back to chatting to Sheila", you can't believe she is willing you on using mind power, how rude!
You are left with the one option, Pasty or Baguette? Now, from a glance both look nice, I will use the example I was last confronted with when I made the mistake of popping into Greggs.
Steak Pasty or Turkey and Stuffing Baguette.
Both sound lovely, but look closer, the pasty will have contents the temperature and viscosity of magma 2miles below our feet, is guaranteed to burn the roof of your mouth and your tongue, so you are left with no sense of flavour for three days till the cells build back, or the cold baguette.
Oh sorry, I forgot to mention the third ingredient in the Turkey and Stuffing Baguette...
Mayonaisse.
Don't get me wrong, I love mayonaisse, but only when used right, and I can tell you now that stuffing and mayonaisse should NEVER meet. I didn't know this until I had foolishly bought the baguette however, although I still would have chosen the crappy texture of mayo and stuffing over the crappy texture of magma, but at least the pasty would have tasted nicer.
Anyways, what it all comes down to is never buy food at Greggs or Hampsons, you're treated like an inconvenience and you end up with crap food either way.
Oh, and the doughnuts are too fatty.
I'll be back for more grumping when my fingers aren't so sore.
It's a bit hard being a middle aged bloke in the body of a 19 year old, things piss me off that shouldn't piss me off, and for me, the one big one I should understand, but don't, is technology. I am crap with it, give me a phone I break it within a short amount of time, it takes me about an hour of constant messing about with the leads, restarting the pc, etc, just to upload a couple of photos onto that internet phenomena that is Myspace. I shan't put a link onto it, I'm addicted, thats bad enough. Now, yeah, you must have already figured my camera is a camera phone. WRONG! No, it's a camera. I fucking hate people calling me on it, firstly it buzzes in my ear and is annoying, secondly, I ditest talking to people on the phone, especially when I am in public. When I am on the bus, one thing that annoys me so much to the point of me exploding with rage is people, in the almost Trigger Happy TV stylee, shouting down their mobiles. It makes me want to go to them and pull their phone away from their ear so they can concentrate on me, and explain, that just because their boyfriend/girlfriend/child/parent/spouse/other is 20 miles away, it does NOT mean they have to shout to them, the microphone in the mobile will pick up their voice.
So anyway, I don't like talking on my phone in public for that very reason, the fact that someone could listen in on my conversation scares me, I'm a private person. The other reason for me not wanting my mobile phone on me, is the only people who ring me is my cousin, Phil, and my mum. Both of whom are quite dull to talk to on the phone, the conversation mainly consists of listening to them breating. All in all, I really REALLY hate mobile phones.
So, at the moment, I am really starving and there is no food I can eat in the house, my dad ate all the chips, instant mash, etc, the stuff that you can have with fish, or pie, or sausages. This is annoying because I haven't eaten all day now. Whilst I am on the topic of food, Greggs.
Greggs and Hampsons are the most evil places on earth. They annoy me from the second I step in the shop. I put one foot through the door, there they are like a pack of lions making the sudden attack on their unsuspecting prey.
"Yes please?"
The woman behind the counter asks with a forced cheeriness to her voice... this is instantly annoying, because I haven't yet devoloped the skill of foresight, enabling me to know exactly what I want to buy as soon as I walk into the shop. I feel like shouting "You don't know me as a regular, you don't know exactly what I am going to have, and are asking "yes please" just because its part of your job!"
I mean, christ! Is it too much to ask for a little space when I go in so I can have a look what there is? So, anyway, after you have ignored her battle cry of "Yes please?", you go to look what is in stock to munch on. You look up. Her gaze follows you across the units. There is no escape, you're in her lair, you need to get something. Your mind starts to panic, you can feel it in her mind thinking "Hurry up, I wanna get back to chatting to Sheila", you can't believe she is willing you on using mind power, how rude!
You are left with the one option, Pasty or Baguette? Now, from a glance both look nice, I will use the example I was last confronted with when I made the mistake of popping into Greggs.
Steak Pasty or Turkey and Stuffing Baguette.
Both sound lovely, but look closer, the pasty will have contents the temperature and viscosity of magma 2miles below our feet, is guaranteed to burn the roof of your mouth and your tongue, so you are left with no sense of flavour for three days till the cells build back, or the cold baguette.
Oh sorry, I forgot to mention the third ingredient in the Turkey and Stuffing Baguette...
Mayonaisse.
Don't get me wrong, I love mayonaisse, but only when used right, and I can tell you now that stuffing and mayonaisse should NEVER meet. I didn't know this until I had foolishly bought the baguette however, although I still would have chosen the crappy texture of mayo and stuffing over the crappy texture of magma, but at least the pasty would have tasted nicer.
Anyways, what it all comes down to is never buy food at Greggs or Hampsons, you're treated like an inconvenience and you end up with crap food either way.
Oh, and the doughnuts are too fatty.
I'll be back for more grumping when my fingers aren't so sore.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
General summery of things
Well then. I know, I know. When I got this blog, I said I was going to regulary update it or something similar. Anyways, recently things have happened. College is ticking over, it's not the greatest time of my life, but hey, it's giving me £30 a week in EMA, so it's not all bad.
Then there is my band, The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler, we're still going, we've played some amazing gigs, and some shite ones. Thankfully, there have been FAR many more amazing ones than shit. Even people who used to hate us when they first saw us have been converted to the Church of Diggler. Even emo's with fringes longer than their face, and stuck up indie kids!!
However, tonight is 4th November, fireworks are going off all around me, and it's scary for me. If I haven't told you before, I will explain why.
Two years ago, it was the summer, and I was living in Fleetwood, and I was cycling back home from Blackpool, out of nowhere a tropical thunderstorm started, I dived under the closest tram stop and decided to wait it out, and if it didn't get any better, try and get a lift home frome the father. So there I was, never had a problem with thunder and lightning then, and enjoyed the show somewhat, until... the biggest explosion I have EVER heard. It was deafening, and I had temporary tinitus after for a couple of hours! And it was a bolt of lightning right above us, car alarms went off, when the lightning hit the hotel in front of me, the ground actually shook, thats how big it was! And the hotel was set on fire because of the strike.
And ever since that day, explosions scare me when I don't expect it, I can go to a fireworks display and have a great time. But sat in the house with the music on, and every ten seconds BANG...
BANG....
BANG...
It's horrible for me, and I hate it. My friend is supposed to be here right now, but he hasn't showed up, he isn't answering his phone, and I could really do with his company right now. I have no alcohol for tonight, but I daren't leave the house coz of my fear.
Oh yeah, add onto that the fact that I am STILL fucking single, how can I be single and the lead singer of a band? I MUST be THAT inherently revolting. Honest, I am a really nice guy, don't be fooled by the alcoholic habits. Yer, thinking it through, I suppose I have now been single for 1 year and 8 months. Thats like, 10% of my life you know since I last had a girlfriend!!! And now I look much better and presentable than I did back then, and I'm not so fussy with who I am with.
Hells bells. I'm off.
Kristoff xXx
P.S. How come getting out of town gigs appears to be fucking impossible too?
Then there is my band, The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler, we're still going, we've played some amazing gigs, and some shite ones. Thankfully, there have been FAR many more amazing ones than shit. Even people who used to hate us when they first saw us have been converted to the Church of Diggler. Even emo's with fringes longer than their face, and stuck up indie kids!!
However, tonight is 4th November, fireworks are going off all around me, and it's scary for me. If I haven't told you before, I will explain why.
Two years ago, it was the summer, and I was living in Fleetwood, and I was cycling back home from Blackpool, out of nowhere a tropical thunderstorm started, I dived under the closest tram stop and decided to wait it out, and if it didn't get any better, try and get a lift home frome the father. So there I was, never had a problem with thunder and lightning then, and enjoyed the show somewhat, until... the biggest explosion I have EVER heard. It was deafening, and I had temporary tinitus after for a couple of hours! And it was a bolt of lightning right above us, car alarms went off, when the lightning hit the hotel in front of me, the ground actually shook, thats how big it was! And the hotel was set on fire because of the strike.
And ever since that day, explosions scare me when I don't expect it, I can go to a fireworks display and have a great time. But sat in the house with the music on, and every ten seconds BANG...
BANG....
BANG...
It's horrible for me, and I hate it. My friend is supposed to be here right now, but he hasn't showed up, he isn't answering his phone, and I could really do with his company right now. I have no alcohol for tonight, but I daren't leave the house coz of my fear.
Oh yeah, add onto that the fact that I am STILL fucking single, how can I be single and the lead singer of a band? I MUST be THAT inherently revolting. Honest, I am a really nice guy, don't be fooled by the alcoholic habits. Yer, thinking it through, I suppose I have now been single for 1 year and 8 months. Thats like, 10% of my life you know since I last had a girlfriend!!! And now I look much better and presentable than I did back then, and I'm not so fussy with who I am with.
Hells bells. I'm off.
Kristoff xXx
P.S. How come getting out of town gigs appears to be fucking impossible too?
Monday, September 11, 2006
I'm still here folk. A HUGE catch up
Ok, so a special beautifl girl today asked where my ranting and moaning and pissing and bitching page was today. Ok, so not in so many words, but you get the drift. Those who are close to me know who this person is. I shant embarress her yet. :P
So, whilst it's on mymind...
The BBC Propaganda Machine
Can I start this bit off by saying, "Yes, it is September 11th", "Yes, it is 5 years on since those dreadful acts of terrorism were thousands of innocent civvilians lost their lives to the power of evil lunatics hell bent on taking the perverse parts of a relativly peaceful religion to the extreme in their Jihad" and...
"NO, THERE IS NO NEED TO SHOW THE FOOTAGE OF THESE PEOPLE DYING IN WHAT WAS EFFECTIVLY AN HOUR LONG PIECE OF PROPAGANDA ON BBC"
So yeah, for those who didn't see it on TV, it was a "Docu-drama" based on 9/11. It also came with the disclaimer stating that some events portraayed on the programme may be entirely fictional added for dramatic effect.
I feel my rant can stop here as the Beeb may as well have said "Holy shit, this is a bit of terror propaganda"
Thankfully they followed it up with Newsnight, which although I didn't watch because I hate Jeremy Paxman, they were posing the question that was "Can the war on terror ever be won" and "Should we have been pulled into it?"
And if you know anything about Paxo, he goes against everything, which I like about him, it's just his harrasing interview style I hate, he is quite rude.
All the more lighthearted shiz!!
Well, as I sit here listening to Cats (I love musicals as I am sure you all know) I think I shall do my favorite past time (other than drinking) and that is spout utter crap. So life recently, its taken a turn for the better.
I have recently moved in with my Dad. It's great here, I am near all my band and other friends, near my new college, Blackpool and The Fylde College, I even have a job with the greatest bosses ever Matin and Fiona at Blackpools new live music vene, Riffs. So, I have a home, without a twat of a mums boyfriend who couldn't organise a shag in a brothel, I have a college near my home, and a job to get me money, which is going to be spent on train fares to Preston to see Laura.
Laura is amazing. 'Nuff said.
So yeah, house, college, job, Laura. Could life be better?
I doubt it.. well, maybe if Rocky Horror Show came to town... that said, sing-a-longa at The Grand Theaatre in January, I will be there for a laugh.
Till next time folks.
Kristoff
So, whilst it's on mymind...
The BBC Propaganda Machine
Can I start this bit off by saying, "Yes, it is September 11th", "Yes, it is 5 years on since those dreadful acts of terrorism were thousands of innocent civvilians lost their lives to the power of evil lunatics hell bent on taking the perverse parts of a relativly peaceful religion to the extreme in their Jihad" and...
"NO, THERE IS NO NEED TO SHOW THE FOOTAGE OF THESE PEOPLE DYING IN WHAT WAS EFFECTIVLY AN HOUR LONG PIECE OF PROPAGANDA ON BBC"
So yeah, for those who didn't see it on TV, it was a "Docu-drama" based on 9/11. It also came with the disclaimer stating that some events portraayed on the programme may be entirely fictional added for dramatic effect.
I feel my rant can stop here as the Beeb may as well have said "Holy shit, this is a bit of terror propaganda"
Thankfully they followed it up with Newsnight, which although I didn't watch because I hate Jeremy Paxman, they were posing the question that was "Can the war on terror ever be won" and "Should we have been pulled into it?"
And if you know anything about Paxo, he goes against everything, which I like about him, it's just his harrasing interview style I hate, he is quite rude.
All the more lighthearted shiz!!
Well, as I sit here listening to Cats (I love musicals as I am sure you all know) I think I shall do my favorite past time (other than drinking) and that is spout utter crap. So life recently, its taken a turn for the better.
I have recently moved in with my Dad. It's great here, I am near all my band and other friends, near my new college, Blackpool and The Fylde College, I even have a job with the greatest bosses ever Matin and Fiona at Blackpools new live music vene, Riffs. So, I have a home, without a twat of a mums boyfriend who couldn't organise a shag in a brothel, I have a college near my home, and a job to get me money, which is going to be spent on train fares to Preston to see Laura.
Laura is amazing. 'Nuff said.
So yeah, house, college, job, Laura. Could life be better?
I doubt it.. well, maybe if Rocky Horror Show came to town... that said, sing-a-longa at The Grand Theaatre in January, I will be there for a laugh.
Till next time folks.
Kristoff
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Finger Exercise ... ahem
Yeah... well, there is nothing TOO important in this blog. I am blogging because I am bored. Thats it... how dull is that. I can't think of anything to blog about at the moment, other than...
Last night I had a great bottle of Red Wine, called Ball Island (and if you know me, you will know my surname is Ball) I bought it purely on the strength of its name... that being it having my surname in it... I can confirm it was a bloody great wine. Made by Banrock Station. I have a soft spot for this particular wine producer now (don't look for Ball Island on the site, it's not listed as a) It's a new wine, and b) They mainly show off their expensive wines on the site as opposed to their cheaper wines (and imagine what their expensive Shiraz would be like if Ball Island Shiraz was so good eh?) so yeah...) where was I, ahh, yes... my soft spot, Banrock Station also do conservation work for the australian wildlife, which as an animal lover and a bit of a hippy at heart, I think is great news. Yeah, go to your local Bargain Booze or Thorougoods, and grab yourself a bottle of Ball Island, only £3.99 a bottle or £7 for 2!!. BARGAIN!!
Yeah, in other news, I am playing a gig on Sunday with my old band, The Deserters, I say band... it's actually just me and the old bassist playing acoustapunk or puncoustic, call it what you will. It should be fun hopefully, hopefully I will be HAMMERED!! Singing like a drunken twat is a great skill and takes seconds of practise. Ahem.
Also, later on, most presumably next week, there will be an organised visit to Pizza Hut, take advantage of the £3.99 pizza buffet, eating all the pizza we can cram into our fat little faces, and take advantage of the refillable drinks too, I don't know how long we are allowed to be in there, but we will try and stay in for as long as we can, and I am not eating the night before, so when I get there, I will be eating a SHITLOAD!! So if anyone fancies coming along, just leave me a comment saying you wanna come, and I will confirm dates and times with y'all.
I shall leave you with a link to a great Blackpool Band too. The Sound Of Superstring
Laters reader(s).
Kristoff x
Last night I had a great bottle of Red Wine, called Ball Island (and if you know me, you will know my surname is Ball) I bought it purely on the strength of its name... that being it having my surname in it... I can confirm it was a bloody great wine. Made by Banrock Station. I have a soft spot for this particular wine producer now (don't look for Ball Island on the site, it's not listed as a) It's a new wine, and b) They mainly show off their expensive wines on the site as opposed to their cheaper wines (and imagine what their expensive Shiraz would be like if Ball Island Shiraz was so good eh?) so yeah...) where was I, ahh, yes... my soft spot, Banrock Station also do conservation work for the australian wildlife, which as an animal lover and a bit of a hippy at heart, I think is great news. Yeah, go to your local Bargain Booze or Thorougoods, and grab yourself a bottle of Ball Island, only £3.99 a bottle or £7 for 2!!. BARGAIN!!
Yeah, in other news, I am playing a gig on Sunday with my old band, The Deserters, I say band... it's actually just me and the old bassist playing acoustapunk or puncoustic, call it what you will. It should be fun hopefully, hopefully I will be HAMMERED!! Singing like a drunken twat is a great skill and takes seconds of practise. Ahem.
Also, later on, most presumably next week, there will be an organised visit to Pizza Hut, take advantage of the £3.99 pizza buffet, eating all the pizza we can cram into our fat little faces, and take advantage of the refillable drinks too, I don't know how long we are allowed to be in there, but we will try and stay in for as long as we can, and I am not eating the night before, so when I get there, I will be eating a SHITLOAD!! So if anyone fancies coming along, just leave me a comment saying you wanna come, and I will confirm dates and times with y'all.
I shall leave you with a link to a great Blackpool Band too. The Sound Of Superstring
Laters reader(s).
Kristoff x
Saturday, August 05, 2006
A big catch up... It's been a while
This blog contains : 2 gigs, A move of house and other rants and rambles. I will try and keep it in chronilogical order, be warned, I am on a laptop which I am not used to, so please forgive any spelling mistakes.
Ok, so then, first up, I will start with the first of the gigs which we played.
The Emotional Problems of Dirk Diggler, Live @ The Royal Oak in Poulton - 30th June
So, we were second on the bill on the night after the first act didn't show up, but we didn't go on earlier thankfully, we played a good show, and interestingly enough, for the first band on in the night had a fair few people stood in the "semi circle of appreciation" who looked to be quite enjoying the noises we were making. This made us happy, we had a fair bit of fun, we opened with UK Fans Can't Skank, Sheena Is A Ska Punker [Punk Rocker], Arthur Theme, The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts and finished off with a showstopping rendition of my favorite cover in the set, The Timewarp!! Oh yes, there I was jumping around like a crazed mentalist, probably high on sugar, but actually a wee tipsy on Guinness. This was a very much enjoyable show!!
So, on Tuesday, my Dad moved into his new house in Layton, so obviously as I am going to be living here more often than not, I was helping. It's quite a nice place, not too magnolia either with a warm yellow living room and a blue and yellow country style kitchen. My room however IS bloody magnolia, this shall change! Anyhoo, so I gave him a hand, which involved going to pick up the van, then picking up Alison who was giving us a hand, then flitting between various places to pick up my dads stuff, my grandads sofa as he wanted more room in his place, and going to get the beds, which mine didn't fit, so we had to go back to get another, all in all not very exciting, but it's a major thing in my life having a new home as well as my Fleetwood home.
Now I am gonna completely fuck over what I said about chronical order, as I am going to jump straight to last night (Friday 4th August) as I want to keep time wasting in one big chunk.
So last night was... The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler, Live @ The New Bergeracs - Bolton.
Ok, so it was't mega packed, due to an annual young bands all day festival gig thing taking place until 11pm, and we were on at 9:15, but we wern't going to let that stop us from playing our best performance to date. The 10 or so people there seemed to enjoy it. We opened with UK Fans Can't Skank, then Arthur, then Sheena, then The Reggae Song, then Emo Suck, then The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts, and ending with the Time Warp.
Ahh, the Time Warp last night, probably my best performance of the song to date. It started with me walking off the stage onto the gear boxes at the front to sing a bit, then I climbed on top of the 8 or so foot high PA system, James the promoter came and held it steady for me, then about halfway through the first verse, I threw myself to the ground, still singing in mid air, Mully the bass-tard had to stop playing due to him laughing he was telling me after the gig, and then I was running around the venue, grabbed some randomers arm to drag him onto the dance floor, harrased him by not letting him off trying to get him to do the timewarp, I pelvic thrusted at the soundguy too. Then I climbed the PA again, and threw myself off... again, this time I did (for the second time and most definatly not the last haha) bust my lip open on my microphone, I ran to the back of the venue streathing my mic lead as far as I possibly could, then ran to the front of the dance floor and did the time warp (again)... then fell onto the floor. That was the end of that.
The promoter really liked us and is definatly putting us on at the next gig he puts on next month, which is fantastic news!!
*snipped*
Come see TEPODD live @ The Royal Windsor on the prom in Blackpool on 17th August!!
Ok, so then, first up, I will start with the first of the gigs which we played.
The Emotional Problems of Dirk Diggler, Live @ The Royal Oak in Poulton - 30th June
So, we were second on the bill on the night after the first act didn't show up, but we didn't go on earlier thankfully, we played a good show, and interestingly enough, for the first band on in the night had a fair few people stood in the "semi circle of appreciation" who looked to be quite enjoying the noises we were making. This made us happy, we had a fair bit of fun, we opened with UK Fans Can't Skank, Sheena Is A Ska Punker [Punk Rocker], Arthur Theme, The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts and finished off with a showstopping rendition of my favorite cover in the set, The Timewarp!! Oh yes, there I was jumping around like a crazed mentalist, probably high on sugar, but actually a wee tipsy on Guinness. This was a very much enjoyable show!!
So, on Tuesday, my Dad moved into his new house in Layton, so obviously as I am going to be living here more often than not, I was helping. It's quite a nice place, not too magnolia either with a warm yellow living room and a blue and yellow country style kitchen. My room however IS bloody magnolia, this shall change! Anyhoo, so I gave him a hand, which involved going to pick up the van, then picking up Alison who was giving us a hand, then flitting between various places to pick up my dads stuff, my grandads sofa as he wanted more room in his place, and going to get the beds, which mine didn't fit, so we had to go back to get another, all in all not very exciting, but it's a major thing in my life having a new home as well as my Fleetwood home.
Now I am gonna completely fuck over what I said about chronical order, as I am going to jump straight to last night (Friday 4th August) as I want to keep time wasting in one big chunk.
So last night was... The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler, Live @ The New Bergeracs - Bolton.
Ok, so it was't mega packed, due to an annual young bands all day festival gig thing taking place until 11pm, and we were on at 9:15, but we wern't going to let that stop us from playing our best performance to date. The 10 or so people there seemed to enjoy it. We opened with UK Fans Can't Skank, then Arthur, then Sheena, then The Reggae Song, then Emo Suck, then The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts, and ending with the Time Warp.
Ahh, the Time Warp last night, probably my best performance of the song to date. It started with me walking off the stage onto the gear boxes at the front to sing a bit, then I climbed on top of the 8 or so foot high PA system, James the promoter came and held it steady for me, then about halfway through the first verse, I threw myself to the ground, still singing in mid air, Mully the bass-tard had to stop playing due to him laughing he was telling me after the gig, and then I was running around the venue, grabbed some randomers arm to drag him onto the dance floor, harrased him by not letting him off trying to get him to do the timewarp, I pelvic thrusted at the soundguy too. Then I climbed the PA again, and threw myself off... again, this time I did (for the second time and most definatly not the last haha) bust my lip open on my microphone, I ran to the back of the venue streathing my mic lead as far as I possibly could, then ran to the front of the dance floor and did the time warp (again)... then fell onto the floor. That was the end of that.
The promoter really liked us and is definatly putting us on at the next gig he puts on next month, which is fantastic news!!
*snipped*
Come see TEPODD live @ The Royal Windsor on the prom in Blackpool on 17th August!!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
The Long Awaited Return Of My Social Life (With Added Surprises)
Yeah, I was surprised too.
Oh what? You wanna hear about it eh?
Nah, no you don't really, but I'm a gonna tell you!! Bwaahahah *chokes*
Yeah, so it was Thursday, late afternoon. Quite content with the idea of my usual lifestyle of staying on the net like the big geek I am and not adventuring past the front door, but then Mully said something that was to rock my world, he invited me out to go to a par-tay. I know, I was shocked.
At this point recluse reflex kicked in (the ability to sub-consiously find any possible reason to not be able to make it, i.e. "I have no money", "I won't know anybody", "All that happens at a party is I get bored and start reading a book in a quiet room" (which happened) and other bullshit reasons along the same line.
It was then I realised, if I carry on with this absurd nature, I will only ever drink alcohol in front of a PC screen forever apart from when at gigs! So I took a chance and convinced my mum to lend me some money for beer & got on the 14 & set off for St. Annes. I read my book on the bus. It was a funny part of it.
I got into St.Annes, made my way to the party with Mully & Sophie (whose house it was) and bunged my beer in the fridge to get icy cold. The fridge smelt like crap. I held my breath. Then I sat in the front room playing some ska on teh guitar to cheer El up. We had a laugh with some guy who El was flirting with over the telephone much to our giggles on loudspeaker. I had a few beers.
It was then when some tossers showed up and just were cunts. They took a couple of my beers without even asking. They were loud and obnoxious (even moreso than me). So I went into the conservertory with Mully & Evil Gemma where it was quieter. I even locked the door. I also counted that they pissed me off in the space of 2 mins. A record. I have a very low tolerance for strangers & crowds. People just do these things, its like being on a bus and someone is on their mobile, and you hear the whole side of their conversation. I talk very quietly on my mobile in public, the person can still hear me, I don't need to shout down the phone, the microphone is right next to my mouth. Anyhow, I digress...
So, a bit of room hopping, I eventually got bored and just grabbed my book (said it happened), and I got chatting to Sophie. Then I made food for people as I was the only person present who was competent enough not to set fire to the place. Then I got bored, and went to bed.
A little while later, I was disturbed by some cunt with a deodrant can and a lighter, and he used it as a flamethrower. On me. So now I am suffering from first and second degree burns on my back. Which hurt like a motherfucker!!!
Oh, I also smoked weed for the first time this night. Did fuck all really. Over-rated.
Yeah, I know, I went out somewhere, but wait, it gets even better...
I went out last night, to an ace as tits gig at a pub round the corner at the Rossal Tavern, the mighty Garland Green & the ace as tits The Sound Of Superstring. Both bands fucking owned all, and I got to see a couple of mates I hadn't seen for a bit which was nice. Oh and Oz from SOS gave me the greatest put down ever when I was heckling Simon (the guitarist), I was in hysterics. You had to be there. I'm keeping it to myself though hahah.
Anyhoo, so after this ace as tits gig, Me & Rida (from GG) went to Mica's house with her and her boyfriend, we didn't do much, had a couple of drinks & chatted with her mum & her friends. But it was good to get tanked again (I was on Newcastle Brown Ale mostly yesterday)
Anyhoo, here I am now, typing about it, wondering when my social life will return again.
I'm off now, Laters.
Kristoff xXx
P.S.
Oh what? You wanna hear about it eh?
Nah, no you don't really, but I'm a gonna tell you!! Bwaahahah *chokes*
Yeah, so it was Thursday, late afternoon. Quite content with the idea of my usual lifestyle of staying on the net like the big geek I am and not adventuring past the front door, but then Mully said something that was to rock my world, he invited me out to go to a par-tay. I know, I was shocked.
At this point recluse reflex kicked in (the ability to sub-consiously find any possible reason to not be able to make it, i.e. "I have no money", "I won't know anybody", "All that happens at a party is I get bored and start reading a book in a quiet room" (which happened) and other bullshit reasons along the same line.
It was then I realised, if I carry on with this absurd nature, I will only ever drink alcohol in front of a PC screen forever apart from when at gigs! So I took a chance and convinced my mum to lend me some money for beer & got on the 14 & set off for St. Annes. I read my book on the bus. It was a funny part of it.
I got into St.Annes, made my way to the party with Mully & Sophie (whose house it was) and bunged my beer in the fridge to get icy cold. The fridge smelt like crap. I held my breath. Then I sat in the front room playing some ska on teh guitar to cheer El up. We had a laugh with some guy who El was flirting with over the telephone much to our giggles on loudspeaker. I had a few beers.
It was then when some tossers showed up and just were cunts. They took a couple of my beers without even asking. They were loud and obnoxious (even moreso than me). So I went into the conservertory with Mully & Evil Gemma where it was quieter. I even locked the door. I also counted that they pissed me off in the space of 2 mins. A record. I have a very low tolerance for strangers & crowds. People just do these things, its like being on a bus and someone is on their mobile, and you hear the whole side of their conversation. I talk very quietly on my mobile in public, the person can still hear me, I don't need to shout down the phone, the microphone is right next to my mouth. Anyhow, I digress...
So, a bit of room hopping, I eventually got bored and just grabbed my book (said it happened), and I got chatting to Sophie. Then I made food for people as I was the only person present who was competent enough not to set fire to the place. Then I got bored, and went to bed.
A little while later, I was disturbed by some cunt with a deodrant can and a lighter, and he used it as a flamethrower. On me. So now I am suffering from first and second degree burns on my back. Which hurt like a motherfucker!!!
Oh, I also smoked weed for the first time this night. Did fuck all really. Over-rated.
Yeah, I know, I went out somewhere, but wait, it gets even better...
I went out last night, to an ace as tits gig at a pub round the corner at the Rossal Tavern, the mighty Garland Green & the ace as tits The Sound Of Superstring. Both bands fucking owned all, and I got to see a couple of mates I hadn't seen for a bit which was nice. Oh and Oz from SOS gave me the greatest put down ever when I was heckling Simon (the guitarist), I was in hysterics. You had to be there. I'm keeping it to myself though hahah.
Anyhoo, so after this ace as tits gig, Me & Rida (from GG) went to Mica's house with her and her boyfriend, we didn't do much, had a couple of drinks & chatted with her mum & her friends. But it was good to get tanked again (I was on Newcastle Brown Ale mostly yesterday)
Anyhoo, here I am now, typing about it, wondering when my social life will return again.
I'm off now, Laters.
Kristoff xXx
P.S.
THE EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS OF DIRK DIGGLER
LIVE @ THE ROYAL OAK
POULTON
6:00pm START - WE'RE ON AT 7:00pm
SUNDAY 30TH JULY
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
A general ramble I guess... many topics
Ok then, I guess I should do this in order, but if the order goes out of synch, I'm sorry, I am slightly drunk & very stupid.
Actually, fuck order, this will come as I type it, I won't even delete anything I say except spelling mistakes, this will be a written silloquie (is that how you spell the fucker)...
So, the first thing that comes to mind is that my fit band The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler, we played out first public gig on Friday 14th. We were a bit immense, probably one of the better bands of the night (but I guess that is down to opinion), although many people came up to me and said how good we are and how good a frontman I was (I am a far better frontman than musician hahah)
We played some rocking songs, started the set with Blitzkrieg Bop, which we MAGICALLY morph into UK Fans Can't Skank, Sheena Is A Ska Punker (Our take on The Ramones classic, Sheena Is A Punk Rocker), Pardon My French (Our ode to swear words, including the chant of "FUCK CUNT WANK SHIT FUCK CUNT WANK SHIT"), that song was swiflty followed up with The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts, (My favorite song of ours, the tale of a 1920's New York gangster Mully and I came up with who ends with a grizzly death, a powerful as fuck song)...
BUT!! We ended the set, with a great song to finish on..
THE TIME WARP!! I can't really think of a better song to end on really... and I'm not going to try.
I thought the audience could have been a bit happier, but there were too many younguns and too many chavs there I persume to even understand ska remotely... or my jokes... people got really offended at "How do you know when your sisters on her period? ......... Your dads dick tastes funny" and were offended by the chant in pardon my french.... FUCKING LOSERS!!
Next in the news is that my mums (dickhead) boyfriend is stupider than I thought, oh yes, he didn't know that a star was like our sun, he said "But the sun is massive and is out during the day"... get this, he thought a shooting star was a real star colliding with earth... and then tonight he asked me why a certain star had moved... I'm sorry, but how can ANYBODY be so obtuse?
Also, before I go, my band has two new dates ::
The Royal Oak - Poulton - 30th July
The Royal Venue - Blackpool - 17th August (Stand in bassist coz Mully is fucking off to Cyprus)
Right then chaps, my arm aches, I'm off...
Kristoff Out
Actually, fuck order, this will come as I type it, I won't even delete anything I say except spelling mistakes, this will be a written silloquie (is that how you spell the fucker)...
So, the first thing that comes to mind is that my fit band The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler, we played out first public gig on Friday 14th. We were a bit immense, probably one of the better bands of the night (but I guess that is down to opinion), although many people came up to me and said how good we are and how good a frontman I was (I am a far better frontman than musician hahah)
We played some rocking songs, started the set with Blitzkrieg Bop, which we MAGICALLY morph into UK Fans Can't Skank, Sheena Is A Ska Punker (Our take on The Ramones classic, Sheena Is A Punk Rocker), Pardon My French (Our ode to swear words, including the chant of "FUCK CUNT WANK SHIT FUCK CUNT WANK SHIT"), that song was swiflty followed up with The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts, (My favorite song of ours, the tale of a 1920's New York gangster Mully and I came up with who ends with a grizzly death, a powerful as fuck song)...
BUT!! We ended the set, with a great song to finish on..
THE TIME WARP!! I can't really think of a better song to end on really... and I'm not going to try.
I thought the audience could have been a bit happier, but there were too many younguns and too many chavs there I persume to even understand ska remotely... or my jokes... people got really offended at "How do you know when your sisters on her period? ......... Your dads dick tastes funny" and were offended by the chant in pardon my french.... FUCKING LOSERS!!
Next in the news is that my mums (dickhead) boyfriend is stupider than I thought, oh yes, he didn't know that a star was like our sun, he said "But the sun is massive and is out during the day"... get this, he thought a shooting star was a real star colliding with earth... and then tonight he asked me why a certain star had moved... I'm sorry, but how can ANYBODY be so obtuse?
Also, before I go, my band has two new dates ::
The Royal Oak - Poulton - 30th July
The Royal Venue - Blackpool - 17th August (Stand in bassist coz Mully is fucking off to Cyprus)
Right then chaps, my arm aches, I'm off...
Kristoff Out
Sunday, July 09, 2006
I'm not dead!! ... Just in a convincing coma
Well, actually, neither, I've just been busy recently. So I think its best I reassure you all, (not that you could really care), that I'm still alive! Hahah.
Well then, firstly, the biggest news this week is that my band have a song online, you can hear it at www.myspace.com/tepodd, the song is called "UK Fans Can't Skank" & is based on true events, about when me and some of the other members went to see Less Than Jake, and noone was skanking for the ska songs, just hardcore dancing. It's fairly basic, I'm not too impressed with my vocals, and the horns havent been recorded yet, but still, its getting good feedback. You can also come see us play on Friday 14th July, at Bispham Community Centre, its £2.50 entry, and we're on at 7pm.
I'lld like to follow that paragraph up with a new paragraph starting with the sentance, "In other news," ... but there isn't really any other news at all... except... Doctor Who, the finalé!
Yes! Doctor Who, The Doctor & Rose, their journeys through time and space together, over, finished, caput... and yes, I cried like a big sissy girl, three times no less. But what a great way to end a series, with the first ever time the Daleks have come face to face with the Cybermen. I also loved the great bits of comedy injected into that with the Daleks & Cybermen.
Cyberman : State your identity
Dalek : You will identify first
Cybermen : State your identity
Dalek : Indentify first
Cybermen : Indentify
Mickey (to Rose) : Blimey, it's like Stephen Hawkins meets the talking clock
There were many over moments of sheer hillarity, but it was followed up by Roses departure, and the way The Doctor looked so upset when she was heading into the breach. Then the scene with The Doctor & Rose both in alternate Torchwoods, with their ear against the wall, hoping to be able to hear each other, or sense them, but nothing, Roses tears, reduced me to tears (2nd time), then The Doctor walks away, he's lost someone he loved. Forever.
But then, Rose hears The Doctors voice calling her in a dream, and she follows that voice, to Norway, to a beach which translated into "Bad Wolf Bay", the last of the Bad Wolf references I expect. Where The Doctor transmitted an image through a tiny crack between dimensions, which would only last a few minuites, whilst he orbited a supernova, blowing up a star, just to say goodbye to Rose. Then Rose said to The Doctor "I love you", and he replies, being a typical Doctor, not showing the emotion of love to others, and then says, "I supose it being the last chance I'll get... Rose Tyler..." then his image fades away, and we cut to The Doctor in the TARDIS, first time ever seeing The Doctor crying, looking genuinly upset, the lonely god, travelling alone once again. I was in tears at this point... until... CATHERINE FUCKING TATE!!
Yep, CATHERINE FUCKING TATE!! That cunt shows up and ruins a great episode just by being her, why Russel, why cast that twat, she's as funny as a friction burn on your knob! I hope she is a good actress on christmas day, otherwise I shant be best pleased.
Anyhoo, I best sign off before I get to wound up.
Buh bye!!
Kristoff
P.S. www.myspace.com/tepodd ... you know you wanna listen
Well then, firstly, the biggest news this week is that my band have a song online, you can hear it at www.myspace.com/tepodd, the song is called "UK Fans Can't Skank" & is based on true events, about when me and some of the other members went to see Less Than Jake, and noone was skanking for the ska songs, just hardcore dancing. It's fairly basic, I'm not too impressed with my vocals, and the horns havent been recorded yet, but still, its getting good feedback. You can also come see us play on Friday 14th July, at Bispham Community Centre, its £2.50 entry, and we're on at 7pm.
I'lld like to follow that paragraph up with a new paragraph starting with the sentance, "In other news," ... but there isn't really any other news at all... except... Doctor Who, the finalé!
Yes! Doctor Who, The Doctor & Rose, their journeys through time and space together, over, finished, caput... and yes, I cried like a big sissy girl, three times no less. But what a great way to end a series, with the first ever time the Daleks have come face to face with the Cybermen. I also loved the great bits of comedy injected into that with the Daleks & Cybermen.
Cyberman : State your identity
Dalek : You will identify first
Cybermen : State your identity
Dalek : Indentify first
Cybermen : Indentify
Mickey (to Rose) : Blimey, it's like Stephen Hawkins meets the talking clock
There were many over moments of sheer hillarity, but it was followed up by Roses departure, and the way The Doctor looked so upset when she was heading into the breach. Then the scene with The Doctor & Rose both in alternate Torchwoods, with their ear against the wall, hoping to be able to hear each other, or sense them, but nothing, Roses tears, reduced me to tears (2nd time), then The Doctor walks away, he's lost someone he loved. Forever.
But then, Rose hears The Doctors voice calling her in a dream, and she follows that voice, to Norway, to a beach which translated into "Bad Wolf Bay", the last of the Bad Wolf references I expect. Where The Doctor transmitted an image through a tiny crack between dimensions, which would only last a few minuites, whilst he orbited a supernova, blowing up a star, just to say goodbye to Rose. Then Rose said to The Doctor "I love you", and he replies, being a typical Doctor, not showing the emotion of love to others, and then says, "I supose it being the last chance I'll get... Rose Tyler..." then his image fades away, and we cut to The Doctor in the TARDIS, first time ever seeing The Doctor crying, looking genuinly upset, the lonely god, travelling alone once again. I was in tears at this point... until... CATHERINE FUCKING TATE!!
Yep, CATHERINE FUCKING TATE!! That cunt shows up and ruins a great episode just by being her, why Russel, why cast that twat, she's as funny as a friction burn on your knob! I hope she is a good actress on christmas day, otherwise I shant be best pleased.
Anyhoo, I best sign off before I get to wound up.
Buh bye!!
Kristoff
P.S. www.myspace.com/tepodd ... you know you wanna listen
Saturday, July 01, 2006
What a day
Well then, today was a trip to Liverpool to watch the Rocky Horror Show, for the second time round! And what a day it has been.
Started with a leisurly drive to Blackpool Vic for my dad to get his surgical scrubs (will explain later) and then followed with a drive into Liverpool, on the back roads. We passed about 20 trac'ors (I refuse to call them tractors, it doesn't sound like what they do), we also had some aggro off a few lunatic drivers, it appears that people in Liverpool know not how to control a car, even if they *alledgedy* hold a UK driving liscense!
When we got to Liverpool, we looked for a cash machine to get money to purchase some grub. Did you know, its nigh on imposible to find a cash machine near The Empire Theatre? We eventually found one, next door to a music shop, so I went in there for a moch at the saxaphones, because as soon as I have a job I am going to rent one out and give it a whirl, hopefully I should be a natural lol! My dad ooked queasy when he saw the £300 price tag haha.
We then went to a restraunt, which I think EVERY town should have one, called May Sum's. It's an all you can eat chinese/cantonese buffet restraunt, where you sit down, order yourself some drinkie poo's, we ordered Tsingtao Beer, which was beautiful by the way, and proceeded to get some grub on our plates. Now this place is brilliant if you are cultured, or at least open minded, however, a few things saddened me, things I would want to change. I shall make a list...
Started with a leisurly drive to Blackpool Vic for my dad to get his surgical scrubs (will explain later) and then followed with a drive into Liverpool, on the back roads. We passed about 20 trac'ors (I refuse to call them tractors, it doesn't sound like what they do), we also had some aggro off a few lunatic drivers, it appears that people in Liverpool know not how to control a car, even if they *alledgedy* hold a UK driving liscense!
When we got to Liverpool, we looked for a cash machine to get money to purchase some grub. Did you know, its nigh on imposible to find a cash machine near The Empire Theatre? We eventually found one, next door to a music shop, so I went in there for a moch at the saxaphones, because as soon as I have a job I am going to rent one out and give it a whirl, hopefully I should be a natural lol! My dad ooked queasy when he saw the £300 price tag haha.
We then went to a restraunt, which I think EVERY town should have one, called May Sum's. It's an all you can eat chinese/cantonese buffet restraunt, where you sit down, order yourself some drinkie poo's, we ordered Tsingtao Beer, which was beautiful by the way, and proceeded to get some grub on our plates. Now this place is brilliant if you are cultured, or at least open minded, however, a few things saddened me, things I would want to change. I shall make a list...
- They have chips on the buffet table. I'm sorry, but if I ran the place, I would refuse to serve chips, as people can get their sodding chips down any cunting fast food shop (except Subway hahah) and, besides... what's so good about a few deep fried spuds anyways?
- They serve sweet and sour pork, chicken and beef. I hate it. But not only that, you ask your everyday englishman/woman what their favorite chinese food is, and they will 70% of the time say sweet and sour pork/chicken/beef/all three. Yet at this place they have such joys as sezchaun style ribs, and vermicelli noodles, and black bean coated beef, and beef in a ginger sauce, and such joyous foods you don't get to eat every day... but NO! I saw a woman pile half of her plate with egg fried fucking rice, and the other half with sweet and sour cunting chicken. WHY?!?! ... and I thought that was bad, until her husband got half a plate of chips, and half a plate of sweet and sour chicken. THEY PAYED £6 FOR THIS MEAL!! CRYING OUT LOUD, GET YOUR MONEYS WORTH AND EXPAND YOUR TASTES AND BECOME MORE CULTURED!!
- Chopsticks... a severe lack of, although I suppose this is for the uncultured fucks of the chips and sweet and sour chicken generation, that they only provide a knife and fork on the table. So if you feel like being adventerous and giving something new a try (or in my case an art I have mastered), and using chopsticks, you have to ask, they keep them hidden away in a draw under where the food is, not in plain view so anyone can pick some up and try it, which brings me to think, what a lazy breed of human we are these days.
I did see a few other people using chopsticks... they however were all chinese, I felt quite proud of myself though, I felt that by using chopsticks, it shows that I am more than happy to learn from other cultures and embrace it, I at home, have two pairs of chopsticks (granted, stolen from chinese restraunts, but hey, where else do you see them)... but I hope that when they saw me they we're quite happy to see a non chinese person using the chopsticks, correctly, as I do recall once seeing some fat fuck just stab food with one chopstick and eating off it like a skewer.
Another rule they have there which I think is briliant is, that if you waste food, you pay more. I need not rant on about it. Its plain obvious why it is genius! (And secretly, I hope uncultured cunts waste lots of food just to make them pay more for being fucking morons)
Anyways, after that, we set off to the Empire Theatre, with surgical scrubs in the bag, went to the toilet and changed into them 
& got the rubber gloves out... for those who are unfortunate enough to have never gotten the chance to see The Rocky Horror Show, firstly, I pity you... secondly, we were dressed like this, because the main character, Frank-N-Furter, during the creation scene, where he brings Rocky Horror himself, to life, wears hospital scrubs... well technically, he wears a surgical gown. But hospital scrubs will suffice, next time though, full drag for me.
Anyhoo, suffice to say the show was brilliant, as it was the first time round, and I'm now off to look into the dates, and location of, the shows in Stoke later this year.
Toodleoo!!
Kristoff xXx
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
What ho? Some news about my band
I know, I know, I promised a couple of people a rant on the compulsary ID cards, that the Labour Party intend on bringing into effect, and that the only political party who oppose it are the Lib Dems... anyways, I'm far too happy to be so much of a grumpy old man and start ranting on about political stuff today.
BECAUSE!! My band played a quasi show today, at my colleges "FECFEST", so named after the refectory where it was screened from the TV Studio was in the refectory, lovingly nicknamed, The Fec.
And it was brilliant, I forgot lyrics to Man! I Feel Like A Woman, but because we were playing such absurd songs people loved it, everyones faces lit up when we burst into the theme from Arthur (Believe In Yourself by Ziggy Marely & The Melody Makers) we had folks skanking. Overall we had great fun with it, especially when our bassist Mully got on stage and we played our original song "UK Fans Can't Skank" & followed it up with "Sheena Is A Ska Punker"
After that I made my way home, after getting distracted by a "water sculpture" called Appearing Rooms by German artist, Jeppe Hein... it's called a "water sculpture"... I would call it a great bit of fun with fountains... so I went playing in it with my mates Mik & Calum, and when all the fountains were up, I decided, "I'm already pissed wet through, what the hell!!" and went and ran through all of the rows of fountains, much to the delight of onlookers.
Anyhoo, so I got home, went to sleep for three hours because I was shattered, woke up and came on the net. blah blah blah.
And gotten talking to a band I am friends with The Upstarts... they're very good, and we were tlaking about having a porn themed gig down here, they hail from Aberdeen by the way... but its not looking good on that front, so I just emailed them earlier, about the possibility of, at the end of August, we go up to Aberdeen, with a coach full of our fans, and us hahah, and do a porn themed gig up their neck of the woods.
Anyways, thats all, and I'm sorry I'm not my usual ranting self. I will be back on form tomorrow and carry out my promise of an attack on ID Cards haha, weighing up the pro's and con's... I still think I need more time anyways to sort out my arguments for it.
Anyways, till next time.
Kristoff x
BECAUSE!! My band played a quasi show today, at my colleges "FECFEST", so named after the refectory where it was screened from the TV Studio was in the refectory, lovingly nicknamed, The Fec.
And it was brilliant, I forgot lyrics to Man! I Feel Like A Woman, but because we were playing such absurd songs people loved it, everyones faces lit up when we burst into the theme from Arthur (Believe In Yourself by Ziggy Marely & The Melody Makers) we had folks skanking. Overall we had great fun with it, especially when our bassist Mully got on stage and we played our original song "UK Fans Can't Skank" & followed it up with "Sheena Is A Ska Punker"
After that I made my way home, after getting distracted by a "water sculpture" called Appearing Rooms by German artist, Jeppe Hein... it's called a "water sculpture"... I would call it a great bit of fun with fountains... so I went playing in it with my mates Mik & Calum, and when all the fountains were up, I decided, "I'm already pissed wet through, what the hell!!" and went and ran through all of the rows of fountains, much to the delight of onlookers.
Anyhoo, so I got home, went to sleep for three hours because I was shattered, woke up and came on the net. blah blah blah.
And gotten talking to a band I am friends with The Upstarts... they're very good, and we were tlaking about having a porn themed gig down here, they hail from Aberdeen by the way... but its not looking good on that front, so I just emailed them earlier, about the possibility of, at the end of August, we go up to Aberdeen, with a coach full of our fans, and us hahah, and do a porn themed gig up their neck of the woods.
Anyways, thats all, and I'm sorry I'm not my usual ranting self. I will be back on form tomorrow and carry out my promise of an attack on ID Cards haha, weighing up the pro's and con's... I still think I need more time anyways to sort out my arguments for it.
Anyways, till next time.
Kristoff x
Monday, June 26, 2006
God hates gays apparently... but he also hates shrimps!
I dont know if anyone has ever heard of the hate-mongering website www.godhatesfags.com .
You know, one of those sites which have these extreme fundamentalists views, probably worse than Islamic Fundementalists, who take quotes from an ancient book (half of it being fictitious) known as the bible, and morph it into the way they want.
"SODOMY IS AN ABOMINABLE SIN, WORTHY OF DEATH.
"If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." Leviticus 20:13. "Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them." Romans 1:32"
BULLSHIT...
BULLSHIT...
BULL FUCKING SHIT!
I was taught in Sunday school that God is all loving for all of his creatures and forgives very easily, I mean, surely, if God was this infallible being, why did he put, what is regarded by the extremists in the christian church, fault in humanity, that being, whatever makes certain people homosexual?
If God is such a genius to have created Earth and all that is, surely he could fix this "fault", if its so wrong. If God is such a genius why did he make other mistakes then?
www.godhatesshrimp.com
It may sound like a parody, but, maybe to some extent, BUT, if we take in the same rules, and manipulation of biblical text, Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord. I would like, if I may, to quote some passages from the bible at you all;
Leviticus 11:9-12 says: 9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat. 10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: 11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination. 12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.
Deuteronomy 14:9-10 says: 9 These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat: 10 And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you.
What do you make of that? Salmon is perfectly fine in Gods eyes, so is the Shark, the Swordfish... although I don't know where Jellyfish or Portugese Man O' Wars (since they are creature made out of thousands of smaller microscopic creatures) fall into this. But according to this Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels are all an abomination...
Yet, the all knowing, infallible Lord Allmighty created them... even though he hates them? What?!!? He made something he hates? Well, blimey, thats hypocritical mister God sir... why do you do these things and then say, "Oh, actually, I hate it" ... I wonder to myself,if it was like when a band do a song and it gets to number one, and gets so popular that they then hate the song and never play it again?
So there you have it, proof that God isn't all that infallible... although, that isn't in anyway proof, but none of those quotes from the bible are proof that God hates homosexuals and crustacean. So, I feel, if they can jump to those rash conclusions, nothing is stopping me.
PS. Visit http://www.godhateshomophobes.com/ . Unlike those other websites, they don't need to quote from the bible, because, if there IS a God, he would probably hate hatemongers more than homosexuals.
Thank you and goodnight. Again.
Kristoff xxx
You know, one of those sites which have these extreme fundamentalists views, probably worse than Islamic Fundementalists, who take quotes from an ancient book (half of it being fictitious) known as the bible, and morph it into the way they want.
"SODOMY IS AN ABOMINABLE SIN, WORTHY OF DEATH.
"If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." Leviticus 20:13. "Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them." Romans 1:32"
BULLSHIT...
BULLSHIT...
BULL FUCKING SHIT!
I was taught in Sunday school that God is all loving for all of his creatures and forgives very easily, I mean, surely, if God was this infallible being, why did he put, what is regarded by the extremists in the christian church, fault in humanity, that being, whatever makes certain people homosexual?
If God is such a genius to have created Earth and all that is, surely he could fix this "fault", if its so wrong. If God is such a genius why did he make other mistakes then?
www.godhatesshrimp.com
It may sound like a parody, but, maybe to some extent, BUT, if we take in the same rules, and manipulation of biblical text, Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord. I would like, if I may, to quote some passages from the bible at you all;
Leviticus 11:9-12 says: 9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat. 10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: 11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination. 12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.
Deuteronomy 14:9-10 says: 9 These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat: 10 And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you.
What do you make of that? Salmon is perfectly fine in Gods eyes, so is the Shark, the Swordfish... although I don't know where Jellyfish or Portugese Man O' Wars (since they are creature made out of thousands of smaller microscopic creatures) fall into this. But according to this Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels are all an abomination...
Yet, the all knowing, infallible Lord Allmighty created them... even though he hates them? What?!!? He made something he hates? Well, blimey, thats hypocritical mister God sir... why do you do these things and then say, "Oh, actually, I hate it" ... I wonder to myself,if it was like when a band do a song and it gets to number one, and gets so popular that they then hate the song and never play it again?
So there you have it, proof that God isn't all that infallible... although, that isn't in anyway proof, but none of those quotes from the bible are proof that God hates homosexuals and crustacean. So, I feel, if they can jump to those rash conclusions, nothing is stopping me.
PS. Visit http://www.godhateshomophobes.com/ . Unlike those other websites, they don't need to quote from the bible, because, if there IS a God, he would probably hate hatemongers more than homosexuals.
Thank you and goodnight. Again.
Kristoff xxx
I wanna write a musical
Yes, thats right, I wanna be the next Andrew Lloyed Webber... or preferably the next Richard O' Brian.
I wanna write a goddamned musical.
However, before I would go about starting the songs, I would need to have an idea where the musical is going to go, and a basic plot. Alas, I'm not the greatest mind when it comes to stories. I have had a couple of shite ideas, and I will tell you about them.
The Tale Of Sonny Gritts : My band have a song called "The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts". Sonny Gritts is a gangster, and the song my band have is about his watery demise. I thought about telling his whole life story through song. Now this, this could be a brilliant idea, the only gangster musical that springs to mind at present, is Bugsy Malone... and we all know that is shite!
Some daft old band story : Not my suggestion! I hasten to add, there has only been one, and will only ever be one good musical about a band, and that is Hedwig & The Angry Inch. No musical about the life of a band will ever really be remotely interesting, no matter how rocking the songs are. Half the point of a musical is to tell a story. You can go to a rock show to hear a few old songs.
And it was at this point, I had an imagination failure, I guess you could call it writers block, I fell at the first hurdle, stopped writing before I even started writing.
I'm a failure, the critics will never get to appreciate the music I long to perform on stage, oh my, what am I to do? ... Umm, sorry about that, just a drama queen moment haha.
It is however, my intention, to actually write a musical, and star in it, like I said, I want to be the next Richard O' Brian.
Till next time, give me diction luvvies
Kristoff x
I wanna write a goddamned musical.
However, before I would go about starting the songs, I would need to have an idea where the musical is going to go, and a basic plot. Alas, I'm not the greatest mind when it comes to stories. I have had a couple of shite ideas, and I will tell you about them.
The Tale Of Sonny Gritts : My band have a song called "The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts". Sonny Gritts is a gangster, and the song my band have is about his watery demise. I thought about telling his whole life story through song. Now this, this could be a brilliant idea, the only gangster musical that springs to mind at present, is Bugsy Malone... and we all know that is shite!
Some daft old band story : Not my suggestion! I hasten to add, there has only been one, and will only ever be one good musical about a band, and that is Hedwig & The Angry Inch. No musical about the life of a band will ever really be remotely interesting, no matter how rocking the songs are. Half the point of a musical is to tell a story. You can go to a rock show to hear a few old songs.
And it was at this point, I had an imagination failure, I guess you could call it writers block, I fell at the first hurdle, stopped writing before I even started writing.
I'm a failure, the critics will never get to appreciate the music I long to perform on stage, oh my, what am I to do? ... Umm, sorry about that, just a drama queen moment haha.
It is however, my intention, to actually write a musical, and star in it, like I said, I want to be the next Richard O' Brian.
Till next time, give me diction luvvies
Kristoff x
Saturday, June 24, 2006
A Long Way Down
I am currently reading a fan-FUCKING-tastic book.
It's by Nick Hornby, and its called "A Long Way Down", its about a group of four people who met on the roof of a high rise building (well, I think it was 14 storeys) called Toppers' House.
The four lead characters are :
Martin - A shamed breakfast TV presenter who slept with a fifteen year old, it wasn't his fault, she was in a nightclub and claimed to be of legal concent.
Maureen - The poor woman, a devout catholic, single to a mother to a severely disabled boy of nineteen years called Matty, he can't speak or walk, and who knows if he can hear, see, or understand the world around him, Matty is just a vegetable, and has crippled Maureens life leaving her stuck in the house to look after him 24/7, and bless her, she bought posters and thinks a teenager would love for him.
Jess - A nineteen year old girl, personal problems such as her sister dissapearing a few years ago, parents she constantly argues with, and an ex boyfriend who won't give her a reason why he dumped her and avoids her at all costs.
JJ - An american pizza boy, working illegally in England after his girlfriend dumped him after his band split up. He believes she dumped him because he wasn't going to be a rock star, and after his band split up he feels he has no destination in life, other than flipping burgers till he was 61. (Although in this day and age, the retiring age could be about 80/90... so don't hold your hopes to high JJ)
The reason these four strangers met up there, was because they we're all going to commit suicide. Until one thing leads to another, they decide Jess is far too young to throw her life away, she claims that she wouldn't commit suicide if they found her ex, Chas, and got an explanation from him, so they come down from the roof, and the story follows their journeys in their life.
They start meeting regulary at Starbucks Coffee (Only because a decent coffee house had changed into Captain Coffee, with the coffe shop owner dressed in WWII clothes, saluting and such irritable nonsense) And they almost form a group of people to at least get them to St Valentines Day, where they would go over things and see where they were.
Anyways, I won't divulge much more on the book, other than the two things it has brought to my attention... Suicide, and names.
Suicide ::
Ok then, so, in Layton in Blackpool, there are about 5 high rise council flats, once all in a lovely shade of, yeah, you guessed it... grey.
But recently, one of the flats turned beige... then it got some orange stripes on it, then the one next to it turned beige, and got blue stripes on it, and now another one turned beige, and they are currently adding burgundy stripes onto it.
This brings me to my question :: Is this a desperate attempt from a local council, to make suicide rates drop?
I ask this, because, I imagine, spending at least one DAY of your life, 30 meters above ground, staring out at chavs in hoodies with ASBOS' doing happy slappings and the like, living in a grey cuboid, I'm certain it would drive anyone to suicide. So what I have guesstimated, that rather than doing the hard jobs first, of slaughtering every kid they see with daft as fuck "tramlines" (which are daft lines in the side of your head) or anyone wearing an Ecko hoodie, or a tracksuit, or perfectly white trainers wearing paint staned tracksuit bottoms and a sweatshirt, or anyone wearing a peaked cap. Then they can move on to slaughtering all football hooligans. After that, they can move onto those bastard goths who insist on being miserable, because, I know a few goths who live on council estate areas, and surely that can't be too good for the wellbeing of all the local folk's sanity can it now?
So what I am praying, is that this feable measure to reduce suicide attempts (although from the top of these 30 odd story high buildings, once you have jumped off, I highly doubt its going to be an attempt, as an attempt would insinuate, you tried and failed, and I wil pay good money to someone who jumps off with no protection, lands head first, gets up and says, ow!)
And now my second point ::
Names ::
In the book there is a character called... well, thats the whole point, even though only a minor character, he still doesn't have a name, well, rather, he does have a name, he just chooses not to use it. Instead he lets people use their imagination to give him temporary names, and can have about 300 different names in a day, yes, I suppose he is a bit of a hippy character, but you have to love hippies, or at least give them some 'spect, for sticking in their ways.
In the course of about two pages he gets called :
Dog - Coz he had a dog with him.
NoDog - Coz he didn't have his dog with him.
Flower - Coz he picked Jess a flower.
Ashtray - Coz thats how he tasted when Jess snogged his face off.
And it made me think of an interesting social challenge, I intend to go to a friends party and not use my name, and let people call me whatever they feel like, as long as it is descriptive and imaginative, not cunt, or fuckface, or such purile naughty words (says me haha)
Anywho, that brings me to the end of this blog and Doctor Who will be on in 30mins, so I don't wanna miss that.
Love from Kristoff
It's by Nick Hornby, and its called "A Long Way Down", its about a group of four people who met on the roof of a high rise building (well, I think it was 14 storeys) called Toppers' House.
The four lead characters are :
Martin - A shamed breakfast TV presenter who slept with a fifteen year old, it wasn't his fault, she was in a nightclub and claimed to be of legal concent.
Maureen - The poor woman, a devout catholic, single to a mother to a severely disabled boy of nineteen years called Matty, he can't speak or walk, and who knows if he can hear, see, or understand the world around him, Matty is just a vegetable, and has crippled Maureens life leaving her stuck in the house to look after him 24/7, and bless her, she bought posters and thinks a teenager would love for him.
Jess - A nineteen year old girl, personal problems such as her sister dissapearing a few years ago, parents she constantly argues with, and an ex boyfriend who won't give her a reason why he dumped her and avoids her at all costs.
JJ - An american pizza boy, working illegally in England after his girlfriend dumped him after his band split up. He believes she dumped him because he wasn't going to be a rock star, and after his band split up he feels he has no destination in life, other than flipping burgers till he was 61. (Although in this day and age, the retiring age could be about 80/90... so don't hold your hopes to high JJ)
The reason these four strangers met up there, was because they we're all going to commit suicide. Until one thing leads to another, they decide Jess is far too young to throw her life away, she claims that she wouldn't commit suicide if they found her ex, Chas, and got an explanation from him, so they come down from the roof, and the story follows their journeys in their life.
They start meeting regulary at Starbucks Coffee (Only because a decent coffee house had changed into Captain Coffee, with the coffe shop owner dressed in WWII clothes, saluting and such irritable nonsense) And they almost form a group of people to at least get them to St Valentines Day, where they would go over things and see where they were.
Anyways, I won't divulge much more on the book, other than the two things it has brought to my attention... Suicide, and names.
Suicide ::
Ok then, so, in Layton in Blackpool, there are about 5 high rise council flats, once all in a lovely shade of, yeah, you guessed it... grey.
But recently, one of the flats turned beige... then it got some orange stripes on it, then the one next to it turned beige, and got blue stripes on it, and now another one turned beige, and they are currently adding burgundy stripes onto it.
This brings me to my question :: Is this a desperate attempt from a local council, to make suicide rates drop?
I ask this, because, I imagine, spending at least one DAY of your life, 30 meters above ground, staring out at chavs in hoodies with ASBOS' doing happy slappings and the like, living in a grey cuboid, I'm certain it would drive anyone to suicide. So what I have guesstimated, that rather than doing the hard jobs first, of slaughtering every kid they see with daft as fuck "tramlines" (which are daft lines in the side of your head) or anyone wearing an Ecko hoodie, or a tracksuit, or perfectly white trainers wearing paint staned tracksuit bottoms and a sweatshirt, or anyone wearing a peaked cap. Then they can move on to slaughtering all football hooligans. After that, they can move onto those bastard goths who insist on being miserable, because, I know a few goths who live on council estate areas, and surely that can't be too good for the wellbeing of all the local folk's sanity can it now?
So what I am praying, is that this feable measure to reduce suicide attempts (although from the top of these 30 odd story high buildings, once you have jumped off, I highly doubt its going to be an attempt, as an attempt would insinuate, you tried and failed, and I wil pay good money to someone who jumps off with no protection, lands head first, gets up and says, ow!)
And now my second point ::
Names ::
In the book there is a character called... well, thats the whole point, even though only a minor character, he still doesn't have a name, well, rather, he does have a name, he just chooses not to use it. Instead he lets people use their imagination to give him temporary names, and can have about 300 different names in a day, yes, I suppose he is a bit of a hippy character, but you have to love hippies, or at least give them some 'spect, for sticking in their ways.
In the course of about two pages he gets called :
Dog - Coz he had a dog with him.
NoDog - Coz he didn't have his dog with him.
Flower - Coz he picked Jess a flower.
Ashtray - Coz thats how he tasted when Jess snogged his face off.
And it made me think of an interesting social challenge, I intend to go to a friends party and not use my name, and let people call me whatever they feel like, as long as it is descriptive and imaginative, not cunt, or fuckface, or such purile naughty words (says me haha)
Anywho, that brings me to the end of this blog and Doctor Who will be on in 30mins, so I don't wanna miss that.
Love from Kristoff
Friday, June 23, 2006
Deal Or No Deal & Political Parties
So, there I was, happily playing away on an online game I have come across lately, based on the popular TV gameshow, Deal Or No Deal, the online game, although being a bastardised american version of the english one, is still 100% addictive, and far more interavtive than the TV version, however you can't shout "YOU FUCKING MORONIC CUNT" at your PC screen, because you are, yourself, the fucking moronic cunt in question.
But yes, I have played this game about 20 odd times today, and it hasn't managed to get boring once, just fucking frustrating.
Anyroad, there I was, playing on it, when my mate Dan, suggested I wrote out a Manifesto for if I was in charge of a political party. I think political party is a daft term as I have never seen Tony Blair with a party blower in his gob, a shiny pirate hat strapped round his head and with some cheap, warm white wine from Bargain Booze in a clear plastic cup in his hand.
But... here goes nothing.
Cap Tax - Yes, tax those bastard cunts who sit on street corners with baseball caps perched on the back of their heads so that the peak of it sticks up at 45 degrees. Every time the wind catches the peak and blows off, it means they have to buy another one, but they get taxed every time they buy one of those.
Ban Cars & Make Public Transport Free - I fucking hate cars, I really do, and sadly, one day, I'm going have to learn how to drive one of those fuckers. They piss me off so much, because people get into them, and turn into wankers, shouting at red lights, and shouting at the car in front of them because they're going 27mph on a 20mph road. It's absurd. I rely on public transport or my feet no problem, why shouldn't they?
Make It Legal For The Homeless To Steal From Supermarkets - I needn't say much on this, but people who are homeless are humans too, and everyone deserves rights to comfort, they should be able to have food if they need it and not get spat on by wankers in the street when they have to beg.
It Is Treason To Not Agree With Me - Yes, if you dissagree with me, off by t'head. I needn't do with people with imaginations*
Condoms For Free In Pub Machines - I am sorry, but why should shy men have to go into pubs for condoms becase they are too shy to ask for them in a chemist. Even if its for a good ol' bit of rumpy pumpy, or for a posh wank.
*This is only half a true law I would bring into effect.
So there you have it, a list of laws I would have in my manifesto if I were the leader of any political party. Anyways, I best be off emailing these to Uncle Tony if he wants the labour party to stay in power next election.
Good night
xxx
But yes, I have played this game about 20 odd times today, and it hasn't managed to get boring once, just fucking frustrating.
Anyroad, there I was, playing on it, when my mate Dan, suggested I wrote out a Manifesto for if I was in charge of a political party. I think political party is a daft term as I have never seen Tony Blair with a party blower in his gob, a shiny pirate hat strapped round his head and with some cheap, warm white wine from Bargain Booze in a clear plastic cup in his hand.
But... here goes nothing.
Cap Tax - Yes, tax those bastard cunts who sit on street corners with baseball caps perched on the back of their heads so that the peak of it sticks up at 45 degrees. Every time the wind catches the peak and blows off, it means they have to buy another one, but they get taxed every time they buy one of those.
Ban Cars & Make Public Transport Free - I fucking hate cars, I really do, and sadly, one day, I'm going have to learn how to drive one of those fuckers. They piss me off so much, because people get into them, and turn into wankers, shouting at red lights, and shouting at the car in front of them because they're going 27mph on a 20mph road. It's absurd. I rely on public transport or my feet no problem, why shouldn't they?
Make It Legal For The Homeless To Steal From Supermarkets - I needn't say much on this, but people who are homeless are humans too, and everyone deserves rights to comfort, they should be able to have food if they need it and not get spat on by wankers in the street when they have to beg.
It Is Treason To Not Agree With Me - Yes, if you dissagree with me, off by t'head. I needn't do with people with imaginations*
Condoms For Free In Pub Machines - I am sorry, but why should shy men have to go into pubs for condoms becase they are too shy to ask for them in a chemist. Even if its for a good ol' bit of rumpy pumpy, or for a posh wank.
*This is only half a true law I would bring into effect.
So there you have it, a list of laws I would have in my manifesto if I were the leader of any political party. Anyways, I best be off emailing these to Uncle Tony if he wants the labour party to stay in power next election.
Good night
xxx
A gripe about bad lager & a cheer for Transvestite Shows
Well then, just been out to the pub with my dad (you may remember me mentioning my parents splitting up, so this is one of my favorite places to meet up with him), and we wen't to some pubs in Bispham.
Firstly we hit some place on the seafront where we politely waited in turn until we realised that the *gormless looking* barman was serving regulars and his friends as they came up and not noticing us... so we left, my dad in a huff, me in desperation of that sweet sweet beer.
Then my dad suggested we go to the Bispham Hotel... I warned him it was a grubby old blokes pub ran by a private brewery called "Samuel Smiths". According to their Wikipedia page (a site I often find myself browsing in the search for knowledge to fill my idiotic mind with useless facts with to baffle friends and family down the pub) it states, and I quote (but you can check the page if you don't belive me)
Ayingerbrau Lager gained a cult following in some parts of the UK and a beer drinking challenge is held annually. In 2006, the lager was renamed to Alpine Lager.
I can understand the cult following, as only a crazy cult who believe Earth was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster* could possibly imagine this was a tasty beer to go crazy for.
*This isn't a real religion, and if you follow the hyperlink you will discover for yourself, that it is a satirical text and is well worth a read, I shall be purchasing my copy when I have a job
However, I do believe that the beer drinking challenge they refer to is actually managing to drink a whole pint of this ghastly lager. All this lager does to me is confirm my belief that independant breweries should stick to making beers and stouts, but never EVER lagers.
After that, we mooched on down to the Red Lion, a pub now popular with the yuppie crowd, you know them, the young folk with more money than sense, opting for the nice tasty £15 bottle of wine to have with them whilst they talk about tactics watching the nights world cup football (ghastly sport) match, instead of back at the grubby old blokes pub of the Bispham Arms, were they were drinking ghastly lager watching a ghastly sport (actually, we're halfway through the tournament and I have avoided watching a single match, I'm quite impressed).
Anyways, so while we where there, I was temporarily put off lager, due to that pint of "Alpine Arse Juice" ... or whatever it was called, and opted for the poor student alcopop of Blue WKD, this was tasty and went down my throat quite nicely and rid my tounge of any vile shitty lager tastes.
Then I got myself a nice pint of Carling Extra Cold (which is incidentally now owned by the coors company, famous for making nasty bottled american lager which is only tasty on draught... which is hardly ever availiable), which as it says, was nice and cold, and splendidly refreshing sat in a beer garden on a warm summers evening.
Then my dad asked if I had found out about Rocky Horror Show in Liverpool, I had forgotten about it so quickly thought to myself and said "I couldn't find a number on the Rocky Horror Show site", whilst actually thinking "Oh cock shit bugger, I wanna go see it again but it's probably far too late to book a ticket and my own stupidity multiplied by my laziness and refusual to move from MSN Messenger have cursed me not to get to see The Rocky Horror Show for a second time in a month" ... maybe however, not in so many words.
So, my dad got the number and I rang up, and after hanging up, disscussing with my dad about the prices and wether it was possible, we rang up again and booked the tickets... there is no detail to go into other than...
"If you would like to hear about upcoming shows, press 1" etc, and I am sure you don't wish for me to go into details about that.
So, after booking the tickets my dad needed another drink, so he was on wifebeater and me on my prefered bevvie of Cralin Extra Cold. It was then I unleashed the beast... and started talking costumes, no self respecting Rocky Horror Show goer goes without some form of a costume, so after a whole shitload of nagging, I convinced him to go as Frank-N-Furter, in some of his works surgical scrubs whilst I go full Frank-N-Furter, high heels and suspenders. POW!!
Then I got on the tram home, got home to find my mum had put a pizza in the oven for me, I was quite happy as I was famished... only to my dissmay, I took one bite and the sheer intensity of heat brought tears to my eyes, let this be a message to you all...
Spicy Beef on pizzas is the DEVIL.
Anyhoo, I have little left to talk about now, I started this blog yesterday at quarter to twelve, and it is now quarter past twelve, so as you can tell, I have used up a whole half hour of my life telling no-one about everything... and I need a drink right now
Firstly we hit some place on the seafront where we politely waited in turn until we realised that the *gormless looking* barman was serving regulars and his friends as they came up and not noticing us... so we left, my dad in a huff, me in desperation of that sweet sweet beer.
Then my dad suggested we go to the Bispham Hotel... I warned him it was a grubby old blokes pub ran by a private brewery called "Samuel Smiths". According to their Wikipedia page (a site I often find myself browsing in the search for knowledge to fill my idiotic mind with useless facts with to baffle friends and family down the pub) it states, and I quote (but you can check the page if you don't belive me)
Ayingerbrau Lager gained a cult following in some parts of the UK and a beer drinking challenge is held annually. In 2006, the lager was renamed to Alpine Lager.
I can understand the cult following, as only a crazy cult who believe Earth was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster* could possibly imagine this was a tasty beer to go crazy for.
*This isn't a real religion, and if you follow the hyperlink you will discover for yourself, that it is a satirical text and is well worth a read, I shall be purchasing my copy when I have a job
However, I do believe that the beer drinking challenge they refer to is actually managing to drink a whole pint of this ghastly lager. All this lager does to me is confirm my belief that independant breweries should stick to making beers and stouts, but never EVER lagers.
After that, we mooched on down to the Red Lion, a pub now popular with the yuppie crowd, you know them, the young folk with more money than sense, opting for the nice tasty £15 bottle of wine to have with them whilst they talk about tactics watching the nights world cup football (ghastly sport) match, instead of back at the grubby old blokes pub of the Bispham Arms, were they were drinking ghastly lager watching a ghastly sport (actually, we're halfway through the tournament and I have avoided watching a single match, I'm quite impressed).
Anyways, so while we where there, I was temporarily put off lager, due to that pint of "Alpine Arse Juice" ... or whatever it was called, and opted for the poor student alcopop of Blue WKD, this was tasty and went down my throat quite nicely and rid my tounge of any vile shitty lager tastes.
Then I got myself a nice pint of Carling Extra Cold (which is incidentally now owned by the coors company, famous for making nasty bottled american lager which is only tasty on draught... which is hardly ever availiable), which as it says, was nice and cold, and splendidly refreshing sat in a beer garden on a warm summers evening.
Then my dad asked if I had found out about Rocky Horror Show in Liverpool, I had forgotten about it so quickly thought to myself and said "I couldn't find a number on the Rocky Horror Show site", whilst actually thinking "Oh cock shit bugger, I wanna go see it again but it's probably far too late to book a ticket and my own stupidity multiplied by my laziness and refusual to move from MSN Messenger have cursed me not to get to see The Rocky Horror Show for a second time in a month" ... maybe however, not in so many words.
So, my dad got the number and I rang up, and after hanging up, disscussing with my dad about the prices and wether it was possible, we rang up again and booked the tickets... there is no detail to go into other than...
"If you would like to hear about upcoming shows, press 1" etc, and I am sure you don't wish for me to go into details about that.
So, after booking the tickets my dad needed another drink, so he was on wifebeater and me on my prefered bevvie of Cralin Extra Cold. It was then I unleashed the beast... and started talking costumes, no self respecting Rocky Horror Show goer goes without some form of a costume, so after a whole shitload of nagging, I convinced him to go as Frank-N-Furter, in some of his works surgical scrubs whilst I go full Frank-N-Furter, high heels and suspenders. POW!!
Then I got on the tram home, got home to find my mum had put a pizza in the oven for me, I was quite happy as I was famished... only to my dissmay, I took one bite and the sheer intensity of heat brought tears to my eyes, let this be a message to you all...
Spicy Beef on pizzas is the DEVIL.
Anyhoo, I have little left to talk about now, I started this blog yesterday at quarter to twelve, and it is now quarter past twelve, so as you can tell, I have used up a whole half hour of my life telling no-one about everything... and I need a drink right now
Desert Island Discs
Yes, I have stolen this off Craig's blog, but there is jack shit of fuck all happening on the net, and TV, so I though I would spend some time telling you about 10 CD's I would take to a desert island, should I have the beforehand knowledge that I was going to be in a plane crash above the sea near a desert island. Although, if I knew to take 10 CD's with me because I was going to be stranded, I would actually choose to not leave my house as the chances of my bedroom becoming a desert islnad overnight are slim to none.
So here I go ::
1) Reel Big Fish - Favourite Noise :: A greatest hits album of my favorite band. I think that explains a lot of it, but this album is brilliant, with songs about lesbians (She Has A Girlfriend Now), a cover of Ahah's classic song, Take On Me, and a song which opens with the lines "Well first of all, I'lld like to say fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, FUCK OFF!!", which I feel sums up me quite well.
2) The God Awfuls - Next Stop Armegeddon :: A great punk rock CD, by a totally underrated band, The God Awfuls are just brilliant, fast punk rock music to keep you stimulated on an island with no one else there.
3) The Smiths - The Singles :: Craig mentioned it, and I'm going to too, its a great compilation of the greatest songs by Manchesters most influencial band, The Smiths. Such an amazing voice and great haunting sounds, especially on "How Soon Is Now"
4) Massive Attack - Blue Lines :: Yeah, sounds daft, a great big ska punker like myself listening to chilled out trip hop, well, it does happen, and I am proud to say that Blue Lines is one of my favorite albums. Its such a great album to listen to on a summers day in the early evening with an icy cold can of Carling... which I am fresh out of, and I have no money at all ... boohissboo.
5) Less Than Jake - Borders & Boundries :: If only for the awesome song, "Gainsville Rock City" this album is a must, it's not the only reason I would take it, it has tonnes of great songs including about 6 live songs at the end of the CD. It's a great feel good punk/ska album.
6) [spunge] - That Should Cover It :: [spunge] are a brilliant UK based ska punk band, not as good as TEPODD, but bloody good nonetheless. Some great covers on it, including my favorite, Elvis Costello's "Olivers Army"
7) The Rocky Horror Picture Show OST :: This CD is brilliant, even though I don't own it, it is still brilliant, all the songs from the greatest musical ever known to man. I saw it live recently and was blown away, and the songs are just bloody fucking brilliant. Fact.
8) Pickled Dick - Panda-Moanium :: A great band on an indie punk label, their songs never get further serious than singing about pirates sailing the irish sea in "Ship Ahoy", attention seekers in "Hypochondriac", parties in the jungle in "Jungle Jam" or shemales in "Mike & Angelo". They're a brilliant band you have to love, its illegal not to... or it should be.
9) Goldfinger - Greatest Hits :: I love my greatest hits albums, its a great way of bypassing album filler, which sadly is a lot with Goldfinger albums, especially more so in Disconnection Notice, which, quite frankly is a whole album of filler, and just more proof that he should stick to being behind the recording desk, but, all this said. It's a fantastic album, which comes with a DVD with loads of videos on it.
10) A cd burnt on my pc, with all usefull audio from Ray Mears Survival programmers about being stranded on a desert island, because if I find myself in this position I would like to get off instead of just sitting there like a berk hoping for a boat to come past and see SOS written in stones on the beach.
... but, as Craig mentioned on his Desert Island Discs, consindering I'm going to be stuck on a fucking island and I doubt it has an electricity supply, and if it does, it's not really remote, and nobody said I could take a personal CD player or anything like that.
Well, all in all I think I have a good choice there.
See, two blogs in one day, I'm doing well
So here I go ::
1) Reel Big Fish - Favourite Noise :: A greatest hits album of my favorite band. I think that explains a lot of it, but this album is brilliant, with songs about lesbians (She Has A Girlfriend Now), a cover of Ahah's classic song, Take On Me, and a song which opens with the lines "Well first of all, I'lld like to say fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, FUCK OFF!!", which I feel sums up me quite well.
2) The God Awfuls - Next Stop Armegeddon :: A great punk rock CD, by a totally underrated band, The God Awfuls are just brilliant, fast punk rock music to keep you stimulated on an island with no one else there.
3) The Smiths - The Singles :: Craig mentioned it, and I'm going to too, its a great compilation of the greatest songs by Manchesters most influencial band, The Smiths. Such an amazing voice and great haunting sounds, especially on "How Soon Is Now"
4) Massive Attack - Blue Lines :: Yeah, sounds daft, a great big ska punker like myself listening to chilled out trip hop, well, it does happen, and I am proud to say that Blue Lines is one of my favorite albums. Its such a great album to listen to on a summers day in the early evening with an icy cold can of Carling... which I am fresh out of, and I have no money at all ... boohissboo.
5) Less Than Jake - Borders & Boundries :: If only for the awesome song, "Gainsville Rock City" this album is a must, it's not the only reason I would take it, it has tonnes of great songs including about 6 live songs at the end of the CD. It's a great feel good punk/ska album.
6) [spunge] - That Should Cover It :: [spunge] are a brilliant UK based ska punk band, not as good as TEPODD, but bloody good nonetheless. Some great covers on it, including my favorite, Elvis Costello's "Olivers Army"
7) The Rocky Horror Picture Show OST :: This CD is brilliant, even though I don't own it, it is still brilliant, all the songs from the greatest musical ever known to man. I saw it live recently and was blown away, and the songs are just bloody fucking brilliant. Fact.
8) Pickled Dick - Panda-Moanium :: A great band on an indie punk label, their songs never get further serious than singing about pirates sailing the irish sea in "Ship Ahoy", attention seekers in "Hypochondriac", parties in the jungle in "Jungle Jam" or shemales in "Mike & Angelo". They're a brilliant band you have to love, its illegal not to... or it should be.
9) Goldfinger - Greatest Hits :: I love my greatest hits albums, its a great way of bypassing album filler, which sadly is a lot with Goldfinger albums, especially more so in Disconnection Notice, which, quite frankly is a whole album of filler, and just more proof that he should stick to being behind the recording desk, but, all this said. It's a fantastic album, which comes with a DVD with loads of videos on it.
10) A cd burnt on my pc, with all usefull audio from Ray Mears Survival programmers about being stranded on a desert island, because if I find myself in this position I would like to get off instead of just sitting there like a berk hoping for a boat to come past and see SOS written in stones on the beach.
... but, as Craig mentioned on his Desert Island Discs, consindering I'm going to be stuck on a fucking island and I doubt it has an electricity supply, and if it does, it's not really remote, and nobody said I could take a personal CD player or anything like that.
Well, all in all I think I have a good choice there.
See, two blogs in one day, I'm doing well
Ok, lets see if this one lasts more than a month
Yes, this is about the fourth blog I have had!!
I got bored, forgot passwords etc with my last ones... mostly getting bored.
Well, I have been reading my friend Craig's blog recently, and it has inspired me to get round to having my own blog. I was also pushed towards it today whilst watching UKTV Foods show - Food Uncut, which replaced Great Food Bites, which was nothing more than a mere clip show of previous things I saw about a month ago, repeated regulary. So I am quite happy with the appearance of this new show.
On it they were saying about blogging about food, and recipes you have and if you want to slag off a restaurant you are free to do so. I won't be doing that, my recipe's are mine and I'm a curmudgeondy old git (at the tender age of 18) and I don't want theiving bastards stealing my ideas.
But all these factors have only minor roles to play in me taking up a blog. The main reason my blogs never lasted all that long before is...
My life was bloody boring before
And, even though, I am not yet running the counrty, nor am I running a small hamlet, and nor am I running anything inbetween... or anything quite as interesting as that.
I am finally finding things to talk about because my life has become interesting, I have a band, my parents have split up (not good, but its made a significant change in my life), I have been at college (and failed my course because of parents and stress etc), turned 18, so I go out drinking and forget things... so in actual fact blogs about my nights out drinking will be something more along the lines of ::
"Err.. wen't out last night, woke up on the floor at a mate of a mate's house... I don't know what happened, but my jaw aches"
So anyroad... I thought I would start off my blog with a few staple facts about myself.
My name :: I was named Kristopher David Ball... incidentally I still am. The name has a story. An embarressing one. I shall tell you.
My mum was a big fan (and probably still is sadly) of David Sole, famous for playing Starsky in Starsky & Hutch (No kiddies, it wasn't Ben Stiller, we're talking about the 80's TV Cop show) and I, sadly, was named after his son, Kristoffer David Sole. David Sole had a breif pop career, and recorded an LP with a song called Kristoffer David, that he wrote for his son, my mum love/s/d/(delete as nessecary) this song, and wanted me to be called Kristoffer David. My dad was quite happy for me to be called Christopher David, they eventually came to a compromise of taking the good bits of both names (the "K" and the "ph") to give me the name Kristopher David Ball.
My age :: 18, on the 3rd of September 1987... about 5 minuites of being named Kristopher David Ball, I was born, I don't know how much I weighed so don't ask... I never understand when someone says "I've had a baby", one of the first questions asked is always "How much did s/he weigh?"... I mean, does it matter? They have a baby and you want to know how many bags of sugar they are equivilent to?!?!
My hobbies :: Well, I play guitar in my affore mentioned band and sing in it too. We play ska punk music, which is fun indeed. We have trumpets and everything. I also like watching UKTV Food, as you may have gathered. Another hobby is drinking... a lot. I shall divulge more on my drinking exploits at a later date.
My job :: I am currently unemployed, so if you want to offer me a job, please, you're more than welcome to. I did however go for a job interview at Fleetwood's Subway, which opens on Wednesday, I hope I get the job I do!
Bands I like :: The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler (they're fit), Reel Big Fish are amazing, and I met them all too! & Jethro (my mates band, we are talking about doing a split EP with them too!!)
Anyways, I think that is enough for right now, but I intend to blog AT LEAST once a week, and if I don't, just bug me on msn at :: krisballantieverything@hotmail.com or email me at kristoffska@yahoo.co.uk .
Thank you and good night
I got bored, forgot passwords etc with my last ones... mostly getting bored.
Well, I have been reading my friend Craig's blog recently, and it has inspired me to get round to having my own blog. I was also pushed towards it today whilst watching UKTV Foods show - Food Uncut, which replaced Great Food Bites, which was nothing more than a mere clip show of previous things I saw about a month ago, repeated regulary. So I am quite happy with the appearance of this new show.
On it they were saying about blogging about food, and recipes you have and if you want to slag off a restaurant you are free to do so. I won't be doing that, my recipe's are mine and I'm a curmudgeondy old git (at the tender age of 18) and I don't want theiving bastards stealing my ideas.
But all these factors have only minor roles to play in me taking up a blog. The main reason my blogs never lasted all that long before is...
My life was bloody boring before
And, even though, I am not yet running the counrty, nor am I running a small hamlet, and nor am I running anything inbetween... or anything quite as interesting as that.
I am finally finding things to talk about because my life has become interesting, I have a band, my parents have split up (not good, but its made a significant change in my life), I have been at college (and failed my course because of parents and stress etc), turned 18, so I go out drinking and forget things... so in actual fact blogs about my nights out drinking will be something more along the lines of ::
"Err.. wen't out last night, woke up on the floor at a mate of a mate's house... I don't know what happened, but my jaw aches"
So anyroad... I thought I would start off my blog with a few staple facts about myself.
My name :: I was named Kristopher David Ball... incidentally I still am. The name has a story. An embarressing one. I shall tell you.
My mum was a big fan (and probably still is sadly) of David Sole, famous for playing Starsky in Starsky & Hutch (No kiddies, it wasn't Ben Stiller, we're talking about the 80's TV Cop show) and I, sadly, was named after his son, Kristoffer David Sole. David Sole had a breif pop career, and recorded an LP with a song called Kristoffer David, that he wrote for his son, my mum love/s/d/(delete as nessecary) this song, and wanted me to be called Kristoffer David. My dad was quite happy for me to be called Christopher David, they eventually came to a compromise of taking the good bits of both names (the "K" and the "ph") to give me the name Kristopher David Ball.
My age :: 18, on the 3rd of September 1987... about 5 minuites of being named Kristopher David Ball, I was born, I don't know how much I weighed so don't ask... I never understand when someone says "I've had a baby", one of the first questions asked is always "How much did s/he weigh?"... I mean, does it matter? They have a baby and you want to know how many bags of sugar they are equivilent to?!?!
My hobbies :: Well, I play guitar in my affore mentioned band and sing in it too. We play ska punk music, which is fun indeed. We have trumpets and everything. I also like watching UKTV Food, as you may have gathered. Another hobby is drinking... a lot. I shall divulge more on my drinking exploits at a later date.
My job :: I am currently unemployed, so if you want to offer me a job, please, you're more than welcome to. I did however go for a job interview at Fleetwood's Subway, which opens on Wednesday, I hope I get the job I do!
Bands I like :: The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler (they're fit), Reel Big Fish are amazing, and I met them all too! & Jethro (my mates band, we are talking about doing a split EP with them too!!)
Anyways, I think that is enough for right now, but I intend to blog AT LEAST once a week, and if I don't, just bug me on msn at :: krisballantieverything@hotmail.com or email me at kristoffska@yahoo.co.uk .
Thank you and good night
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