Rambling On With Kristoff

Ahhh, what a day

2008-05-07T15:49:00.000-07:00

Today has been a wonderfully nice day. The sun has been shining, it's been gloriously warm, and I wasn't stuck inside!!

Even though it isn't officially summer until about this time next month, it sure feels like summer, and we've already had more of it than last year, with it's blink and you miss it summer season.

Today, I was woken up by Roo, and I got up and went down to the control room, got my laptop out, and went on MSN. When on there, my good friend Eloise asked me to go out for a walk with her, so she got in a taxi and came round to the studio. We started off the day by me showing off the size of the projection screen, we took photos stood next to a massive picture of her tits. We're pretty classy, I don't know if I've ever mentioned that.

We went out onto the promenade, and walked down it, with a can of pop each. I felt like reminiscing my childhood, and opted for a can of Shandy Bass, something I used to always drink at my nanna and grandad's, usually with a packet of Walkers Prawn Cocktail Crisps, whilst reading The Dandy and The Beano (The Beano was WAY better in my opinion). So, we were walking along the promenade, got up to Central Pier, and decided to go on the big wheel, something, in my almost 21 years of life in Blackpool, I've never been on. Ever. It was great fun, and as you can see, El loved it!!

"Hi, My name is El, and I'm fucking terrified!"

After scaring El on the big wheel (the reason she looks so scared, is because not only I was trying to spin it round by grabbing the pole in the middle, the ride operator of the wheel span it round when we came to the bottom on seeing me trying to spin it... twice), we carried on walking up the promenade, stopping for photo opportunities, such as me walking along the wall that follows the promenade, which I think is a cracking photo.

"Hi my name is Kris... now admire my skills of walking!"

We eventually made it all the way to the worlds biggest mirror ball, and hung out there, had a good sit down too (we were shattered, walking in heat like today!). We popped over the road, went into the solaris centre (which is a complete waste of time if I'm being honest), we went down onto Highfield road, popped into B&M bargains, bought ourselves some San Miguel, a can of G&T for El (my birthday present for her) and a can of salt and pepper cashew nuts. Went a bit further down the road to the Tesco, and I got myself a pasta and chicken bowl.

We carried on further down the road and sat on the grass in the park and had a picnic! Look at us lounging about, having fun!!

What better things could you suggest for such a summery day?

Oh... I know! How about a BBQ when I got back to the studio? Well that's what we did have ourselves for tea when I got back to the studio, and glorious it was.

A day, crammed with Shandy Bass, Central Pier, The Big Wheel, The Worlds Largest Mirrorball, The Solaris Centre, B&M Bargains (who sell cheap booze!! :D), Tesco, Picnic, BBQ with jerk chicken, chipolata chorizo sausages, smoked bacon chops, burgers and some nice fancy flatbreads. Washed down with beer (including the amazing Cobra Lemon Grass Beer, which I think I have mentioned before.

I'm off to drink more beer now, and be more sociable.

Peace.

Kris

Bank Holiday Shenanigans

2008-05-06T06:35:00.000-07:00

Ahh, May. A month with two bank holiday weekends in it, to do whatever you feel like doing.

Well, I'm going to bore you with tales of my weekend.

It started slowly on Saturday, when I woke up with no plans for the weekend, having decided to not bother going to Preston for a party, as it was needless expense. So, I spent Saturday daytime mooching around the studio, I went for a walk into town. General Saturday stuff really. I was in front of the TV with a beer in my hand for Doctor Who (which I am watching on iPlayer right now on a BIG screen)

So, in geek tradition, after Doctor Who finished, I went onto the Doctor Who Forums to discuss the episode and all that. A couple of pages in, and the internet stops working. "Oh no!!" I think to myself, what did people do before the internet?... ahh... they saw people... in real life... I remember that, I think.

I went to the party in Preston.

It was fantastic, at a new coffee shop that opened yesterday in Preston town centre, called Harbl's. There were loads of people I only knew the Prestone forum, and not IRL. What a friendly bunch of people they all are, some of them are fit too ;) haha!!

The night was fun, I started off with a can of beer, went onto a mug of tea (I had to support the business), and then Red Stripe. There was acoustic music upstairs, I sang The Prostitute Blues, it went down well (no puns please!!), everyone enjoyed it, Bill Orrick sang some songs, I went downstairs, drank beer, socialised, Lord Beaker gave me beer too (he's the owner/admin of Prestone) which I was very grateful of. There was a slight altercation between one of my friends friends who tried to steal my beer in a jokey way, but was drunk and came across aggressive and got kicked out of the place.

I was there till about 5am and went to crash on the sofa of Fort Meme (thanks to Hex, Chojin and Procopious for letting me stay there, not that they will read this blog), also thanks to Harbl and Partyvan for the great night, free tuna sammich and the lift home in The Partyvan.

I woke up on Sunday morning at Fort Meme, and felt pretty good. I was made a brew by the other nice lady, whose name I must apologise for forgetting, who lives at Fort Meme, played with Kai the dog, and went off into town, grateful for being given a crashing space and being offered it whenever I needed it.

In Preston city centre, I went to a gig at The Mad Ferret, where I spent most of the day with Crumble, trying to drink away a hangover that had caught up with me by that point (I hate hangovers like that). Throughout most of the gig we were in the beer garden, huddling underneath the parasol, as the rain had began to set in (and it was lashing it down!!). Sat underneath a parasol in the pissing down rain, surrounded by a million smokers, drinking gin and lemonade... just how I love to spend my hangovers.

After sticking it out till about 8 o'clock, I had to retire back to Blackpool and curl up and die.

Monday morning came around, and off it was to spend a bank holiday Monday doing something quite productive, helping my dad move house. There's not much to talk about other than it involved quite a lot of lugging things upstairs and carrying things to the new house round the corner. A tiring day.

I returned back to the studio, and there was no internet. STILL. I couldn't believe I'd managed so long without access to the internet!!

So, without internet, here is what happens...

You go to parties
You go to gigs
You help people move house
You read a good 150 pages of a book about zombies...

Basically, you get a social life... it's bloody crazy I tell ya!!

Anyways, I've written quite enough now.

Kris

I WAS RIGHT!!!

2008-05-02T20:11:00.000-07:00

OH YES!!

DANNY MILLER WON!!

YES!!

I AM SO GREAT!!

Next week, the south west.

I'll let you know who is going to win ;)

Danny or Noel?

2008-05-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

Great British Menu?

I'm watching it on BBC iPlayer now.

I put my money on Danny earlier on.

My 50th blog will hopefully confirm my suspicions.

Kris

I fucking HATE Pete Doherty

2008-05-02T07:01:00.001-07:00

Not because he's a talentless drugged up waste of space. That doesn't really bother me at all.

What does bother me, is that I like to wear a trilby, and last night my band played a gig, and after the gig, I put said trilby on, as my hair was a sweaty mess. I was wearing jeans, a tequila t-shirt and some trainers, other than the trilby, nothing like Pete Doherty.

Much to my annoyance, SIX separate people came up to me making comments like "aw'right Pete, aren't you supposed to be in jail? hur hur hur", "Are you supposed to be Pete Doherty?" and the most fucking annoying one, two pissed up hippies who'd just been to see Björk at the venue down the way, hassling me for ten minutes following me round trying to get photos with me and saying "I'm a bit embarrassed to be talking to you Pete, but could I get your autograph"... it wasn't funny when they first said it, it was met with silence from their other friends, yet they carried on for about ten minutes.

It really got on my nerves, and they weren't giving in so I had to leave the pub for a bit.

So basically, I just want Pete Doherty to stop wearing trilbies, because I wear them, and I'm not him

Kris

BBC iPlayer and why I love it

2008-04-30T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'd like to say how much I love BBC iPlayer. It's bloody great, and I'm going to now dedicate a blog to the programmes which I mainly watch on it, all three of them, and they're all reality television programmes.

Now, I can sense some of you already shaking your heads at the fact that I watch reality television, but no! This isn't Big Brother we're talking about (well, it's BBC for a start, and we all know Big Brother is a Channel Four programme), but the following three programmes.

Great British Menu - A cookery show, where two chefs compete against each other to cook a meal for my culinary hero and many other top chefs from across the world, at The Gherkin in London.

The Apprentice - A show, where 16 of the country's best (read completely incompetent idiots) businessmen and women compete to land a job as an apprentice to Sir Alan Sugar.

Funny Business - A comedy talent show, looking for a welsh comedian, who goes on to win a £30,000 contract with the manager of The Comedy Club who promote comedians and own comedy venues across the country.

Now then, let's discuss these shows in a bit more detail, or to be exact, no discussion, just my opinions.

Firstly, Great British Menu, we're onto the last of the heats at the moment, and for all but one episode, I've predicted the right winner (the episode I got wrong being the Welsh episode, neither of the chefs where Welsh anyway, they just lived there!). At the moment they are in Northern Ireland, and the two contestants are Danny Millar and Noel McMeel, and my money is on Danny Millar. I like underdogs (Noel has been in it before and has more experience of the competition), also, the welsh competitor who lost had been in the competition before, and she lost the last time around, and the Noel lost the first time around, so I've got a feeling that he will lose again.
The emphasis this year is on modern British cooking, and whilst both have some modern techniques in their cooking style, Noel presents his meals in a very classical way (and some I would call somewhat twee), whilst Danny's meals not only employ modern cooking methods, but also push boundaries of what people come to expect, desserts are tomorrow, and then judging on Friday, and we'll find out if my tips are right then, the proof is, as they say, in the pudding (ho ho ho).

The Apprentice is something I've only gotten into this series, but I'm finding it compelling viewing, and a fellow blogger I've come to know about through Rhys' blogs has already blogged about it.

I can't really comment much on the contestants (known as candidates in this programme), because as a foodie, this business stuff isn't something I'm too familiar with (unlike how I can comment on chefs and cooking styles)... however, what I can say, is that I wouldn't employ a SINGLE person on this programme, I wouldn't even put them in charge of organising a piss up in a brewery, nor would I leave them to plan a shag in a brothel. They are a hopeless shower of shit, who seem to have some crazy idea that brainstorm diagrams, showing how they could promote things, spend all day in an office, and then panic when they've planned it all, yet not gotten on with it.
The level of bitching on that programme too, it makes me want to kill. Grrr, it's fascinating, but really, the people on that programme make me despair!

The final programme I have to comment on, is Funny Business, which was great, although I do not agree with the winning contestants. Not in the slightest do I agree.
The first winner was the skinny bloke, I think he was called Rob. How he won, I don't know. He just regurgitated jokes that have been going for years, that I heard when I was in school. The second winner (because they were indecisive twats) was called Kev, I think. He was a bit smutty, but that doesn't bother me... what bothers me is that he wasn't all that funny with smut, in the semi's and the finals, he made mistakes, in the semi final, he totally forgot his lines, and they put him through because he recovered it. In my opinion, he should have been dropped from the competition because of that, and sent to do more gigs, practise in front of more people and not forget lines.
I think the overall winner should have been the guy who went on last, I can't remember his name, but he did a joke about him looking like Elvis Costello. I liked him, I like Elvis Costello, he's good, and he was funny (not Elvis Costello, I've never heard him tell a joke, I'm talking about this comedian who did a joke about him looking a bit like Elvis Costello)

In short, BBC iPlayer is great, because I live in a place where the TV doesn't receive signal that well, and the only thing I watch on it is Doctor Who, and when I'm not watching that, Matt is playing on his Xbox with it.

This has been my longest blog in fucking ages, and my fingers are tired.

Kris

Coffee and Croissants can fuck off

2008-04-26T04:47:00.001-07:00

All you need is a cup of tea, none of that pansy French coffee nonsense. It will set you up for the day, I tell ya!

Why am I telling you this I hear you ask? (that's a cue for you to ask that out loud, then you can carry on reading) Well, it's because a wonderful thing just happened, and I feel it really shows the connection we have here at the studio. I put the kettle on, without telling Roo, I went upstairs to get dressed, I came back down dressed, and Roo was in the kitchen making brews for us both. Tea is such a wonderful thing! Who would have thought that a few dried leaves stewed in water could bring such unity amongst people?

Another reason for blogging today, is to share with you all some pictures of my bands gig on Thursday at The Blue Room, I think this one really sums me up as a person;

Mildly Dangerous

Ooooh, look at me, I'm such a rebel aren't I?

Well, I can't be bothered chatting much more, but do check out the rest of the pictures here

Kris

Last Nights Gig

2008-04-25T05:06:00.001-07:00

Well then, last night Peter Simple played our second gig ever, and my god it was immense. I'll post our set list later on in this blog. I'm really enjoying only doing vocals, and using my guitar every now and then. It means I can really jump about, get into the audience, skank, injure myself in varying ways with microphones and act out my songs a bit more (I think in the style of musicals, most of the songs I write feature characters, which in my head have a back story and such)

The set list for last night was;

Theme from Bottom
The Ballad of Sonny Gritts
Can You Feel The Love Tonight?
Getting Everything But Having Nothing At All
Monkey Man
Where The Hell Are You?

We started off a bit shaky and tentative, but it really got good (although I forgot lyrics to Getting Everything But Having Nothing At All) towards the end, with my personal highlight being Monkey Man, it's at that point where I really jumped about, I climbed things and jumped off them, cutting my lip open (like in the old days with TEPODD) when I landed, sang the "la la la's" with my mate Jake, skanked with strangers. I think during that song, we definitely sounded at our best, the band was tight and well rehearsed, and everything was good!!

After the gig it was time for a couple of drinks, I say a couple... I dare not open my wallet to get an idea of how much money I managed to spend on alcohol, I'm hoping that I was bought drinks more than me buying them. There was drinks at The Blue Room (where we played) over a game of GIANT WOODEN CONNECT FOUR (which I lost all three games I played haha!), then we were going to go to Frenchmans Cove, but decided not to and to go to Scrooges, where I was bought a gin and tonic... then it would seem we went to The Tache, I have vague memories of it, but it's confirmed by the stamp.

Anyway, enough of me wittering on, I'm bored and need a brew.

Kris

Well, I've been up for over an hour already today

2008-04-24T02:47:00.000-07:00

I've been up for an hour already today, which at 10.40am is a rather shocking thing, it's going to be a rather quick blog post as me and the guys at the studio are going to look around a hotel that they are considering getting for us to live in, (although then I will need to pay rent, so if you're an employer and reading this blog, gizza job mate).

So far today, I woke at 9.25am when the new Mac Pro came for the studio, now I think I've mentioned this before, but I live in a recording and rehearsal studio, it's an interesting life indeed. Recently their PC decided to melt, so it was an ideal time to get on with the upgrade on the studio of getting a Mac Pro, which are much better (apparently) for using to record music and media editing stuff.

The Mac Pro was supposed to arrive with a projector for the HUGE projection screen which is now on the wall facing me as I type... safe to say, it didn't. What it also didn't come with, which wasn't something it was supposed to come with, was a PCI Express Card (I think that's what it is called, Dan keeps saying it on the phone). The PCI Express Card is needed for them to be able to do music based things on the Mac... thus rendering the studio temporarily unable to record bands, which is no biggie, since nobody is in until the bank holiday weekend, but it means that Interracial Buttsechs (our studio band to test new equipment) can't make any music, our next song is going to be a jazz song in 3/4 time.

Anyway, I must dash, hotels to look at and such.

Kris!

Living in a recording studio

2008-04-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone reads this, but yeah. If you don't already know, I no longer live with my dad (partially on account of him driving me batshit crazy), and I now live at Rock Hard Music Group's recording studio. It's an interesting life, takeaways at least twice a week, living with a mental rotweiller/german shepherd cross, which spends half it's waking hours shitting and pissing inside the unit. Oh yeah, it's a warehouse too.

Today however, I made a start of getting them used to eating healthily, and made a nice Mediterranean style warm salad, it was very nice indeed :)

Band stuff, well, we've been rehearsing quite a bit, the band is ever increasing in size too, we have a gig on Thursday at The Blue Room in town.

I'd blog more, but we're listening to some tunes on youtube, and I have beer to be drank. If I don't blog more, email me at kristoff_ska at yahoo dot com

Kris

Home Alone

2008-03-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

No! I'm not talking about that crappy film featuring the worlds ugliest kid, but I am home alone. It's absolute bliss, not having my dad breathing down my neck every ten minutes. I know, I know, I sound like some little brat who hates his parents, nah, I don't!, but my lord my dad can be annoying hahah!. I have my favourite room (the kitchen) all to myself, to cook myself meals for a week (so no food poisoning off my dad! - true story), I get to do what I want for a week. It's heavenly.

I went shopping at ASDA yesterday for a weeks shopping, I originally made myself a shopping list of stuff to get me through, which came to about £16, but due to my bargain hunting sixth sense, I got everything I needed (and more) for only £10.50! I was rather chuffed with myself. Extra money happiness came from when on Sunday, I found a £5 note lying on the floor when I went to the corner shop for some pastry to make a pie, so I bought myself 8 cans of lager.

Also, whilst being home alone, I can clean the house in my own time, and not being told to do it NOW by my dad, in fact, only ten minutes ago I swept and mopped the kitchen, the floor is drying, and I am starving for a bacon sammich, and I am regretting doing it all in the wrong order. I also need to pop out for milk for brew purposes (because, remember, I love tea!! :D

I'm gonna stop writing now, and yeah, chance the floor and get something to eat!

Remember to come see my band, Peter Simple at West Coast Rock Club Above on 4th April.

Love me,

xxx

I keep saying this...

2008-03-09T18:29:00.001-07:00

I keep saying this to myself, constantly;

"I'm going to get back into the habit of blogging more often"

Well, I'll tell you what, I fail at keeping promises, although not a promise to anyone (as I doubt anyone even reads my blog, EVER), but a promise to myself. You see, when I type, my fingers just run all over my keyboard, and I just don't look at all, so, I find it quite a good way to just vent, or say how I feel, just to myself almost (although I will probably be linking people to this after I have written it, so, if you're reading, hello!!)

So, my life, what have I been up to recently? It's all been a bit bland if I'm being totally honest, since January, I have been looking for a job, and failing something rotten. I don't know what I am doing wrong, but I am trying my damnedest to get myself back into having a job of some form, and nowhere is getting past the interview stage. My CV is fantastic, and the Job Centre asked who helped me write it (to which I was rather offended they were ready for grouping me with the regular gormless cretins which find their way in and out of the revolving door every fortnight to sign on so they can get pissed off their giro the following Thursday)

Yeah, I'm on job seekers allowance, so yeah, dole scum, whatever, it's the only thing keeping food in my stomach at the moment, and I hate being on it, I just want a proper job. I recently went for a typing test for a job as an audio typist, and totally flew through the test, making only one mistake, and that was only because I couldn't hear the word, I had the best results from all the people who took the test, and I never got offered the position, and I fear my interview skills are just bloody awful. Interviews are horrible, you feel under pressure to say the right things (which, fair enough, you should say), but it's an uncomfortable thing to do for me, and my dad is always telling me that I won't get jobs before job interviews (I wish I was joking, I don't know why he likes to make me feel even more scared than I already am)

So, other than the job thing, what else have I been doing? Well, not a lot, other than rehearsing with my new ska pop band, Peter Simple. We have our début gig on the 4th April at West Coast Rock Club Above in Blackpool, and if you're reading this (hello again!!!), I would really appreciate it if you could drag your sexy behind down for a boogie. We're intending on covering a couple of famous songs, and some original stuff too, so it's going to be a good night!!

Nakedness is something else that has been happening with an alarming regularity to me recently. Only a couple of nights ago, did I join The Ceramic Hobs on stage to do an erotic dance and strip tease (which culminated in me bending some guy, who came up to dance with me, over, and pretending to fuck him up the arse, and then giving the theramin player a mock handjob [his costume was an inflatable one, and it was in the way!!])

It's happened at a couple of my solo gigs too! (Well, without the audience "interaction" anyway!!)

Love has been an interesting thing recently too, but I guess if I spilt everything now, I wouldn't have anything to write about in my next blog would I?

If you're reading this (hello again!!), thanks for reading, and leave a comment on it all, so I can maybe get advice on my life/interview techniques/how to remain fully clothed and not be a drunken wanker... it is all rather helpful!!

Kris xxx

Are You Smarter Than A Ten Year Old?

2007-11-30T12:46:00.000-08:00

Is it me, or could I not get on this programme, because I actually am smarter than a ten year old?

The people on this show are thick as two planks and twice as stupid!!

What the fuck just happened?

2007-10-01T15:58:00.000-07:00

I remember saying some things in the past two years. I have changed my mind about a lot of things. I used to be quiet stubborn in my ways, but now I am opening up to doing somethings that will improve my life!

"I have no intention on learning how to drive"

I have totally changed my opinion on this now, next year, I am learning how to drive a bastarding car! All my friends are doing it, and I'm kind of feeling left out, I'll still be the hippy I am and not drive anywhere less than 5-10 miles away (depending on how much I feel like walking), because it's a fact that driving is bad for the earth, but I am beginning to realise it sure is useful.

"I can't be arsed with tattoos and piercings"

Fuck that, I'm gonna get one tattoo, a nice fucking geeky one too!! POW!!!

"I'm not going to university, there are no good courses"

Ahh, I found event management, now that looks an interesting course that I would actually enjoy!! Also, I want my own venue, what a useful thing to learn!

"I can't be arsed with a gap year"

I'm gonna go to fucking Japan and Australia.

...

fuck

Ok, so you know WHAT about music?

2007-09-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

So, yeah, TEPODD, we have a member called Arran. He's a nice kid, good on guitar. He has one problem. He needs to rebel. His parents are arseholes who don't know anything.

They have said we "need to get big in Blackpool before we play in Manchester" and wouldn't let Arran play a Manchester gig (which was shit anyway apparently) but we have to get big in a town without a music scene, let alone, a ska scene, before we play towns with a thriving music, and ska scene!!

They buy Arran an amp which is suitable for playing live with, and won't let him take it out to use during gigs. They even did the same with his guitar until three months into his life in the band.

What they know about music they could write on the back of a fucking postage stamp.

It's because of them, that Arran is being replaced on his current position and moved onto keyboards, because if he can't do a gig, it's easier to go without keyboard than without the second guitar.

It's like they want to hold us back, because their son is in the band, they feel they have some control over us.

TEPODD is it's own fucking master, and TEPODD do as TEPODD want, not because you're pushy parents who just don't understand what music is about.

What are you going to do when we do a tour next year eh? We'll just take your son, and make him rebel against you, he's 18 next year, let the poor lad live!

Cunts

What is going on in their tiny little minds?

2007-08-15T05:26:00.001-07:00

Just got a letter in the post from The Venue in Preston, with tickets for our gig in September (7th of September if you are coming, email me and I will sort you out with a ticket)

This is no problem, I read through the contract details, nothing has changed, then I look at the list of bands, this is where it gets interesting, now, I quite like most of the bands playing after having a gander at their myspaces, but I dunno what their fans are going to think of us, metal fans tend to be a little less open minded than people like me!!

So, we're playing a gig with the line up like this

Headliners : Rival Faction - Screamo (They all have shit hair but the music is pretty good)
The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler - Ska Punk (More shit hair)
Machiavellian - Death Metal (Not very shit hair and quite good music)
Nuclear Autumn - Indie Pop (Shit hair, and the music was meh)

So, Indie pop fans, clashing with death metal fans, clashing with ska punk fans clashing with screamo fans.

What happened to the good old days when venue owners and promoters would book bands which complimented each others styles?

Has logic been defrenestrated?

Has common sense taken leave?

What is going on these days?

Have venue owners just gotten lazy and just picked out bands at random and said, "book them, we'll reel in the money, who cares if they get shit from bands fans who may hate them" ?

When will things return to a sense of normality?

Kris

Somewhat inspired!!!!

2007-06-30T16:26:00.000-07:00

Well then, inspired, yes. Inspired to blog, it's seriously been fucking ages since I blogged, and I want to get back into the habit of it again. I'm actually currently content with life too, and well, some things could be better, but can't they always.

So firstly, who/what inspired me? Bondy, I reply. The bearded singer songwriter from Blackpool has buggered off from Blackpool for a couple of months and is galivanting around Europe. You can read his blog here.

Yes, so life is currently good, hell, I would go as far to say it's fantastic!! I think the big news is that I am in love. Yep, me, in love, with someone who loves me back no less!! I didn't think I would see the day (I did used to whinge about the lack of love in my life, but yay, love has found me). I'm really happy to have Catherine (aka Emu) in my life. She is beautiful and completly amazing, and I love her so much. I'd best stop there anyways before you get bored of me saying how in love I am hahah!

So, yeah, news for TEPODD. Things have been going quite well recently. Quick round up, we start recording in a couple of weeks with Simon Morgan, we've gained a fair bit of popularity recently with more people coming to see us, getting asked to play gigs instead of us asking for slots, and here's the killer, we've been asked to play Rebellion Festival, which has to be the biggest gig for us this year, and it's a great chance.

Anyhoo, I just got distracted by Father Ted, and now I am really tired.

I was going to write an essay on the finalé of Doctor Who, but right now I quite frankly can't be arsed, that can come tomorrow or whenever I next blog.

Kristoff :)

Three Sheets To The Wind

2007-04-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

So, yeah. I really must apologise, I have been FAR too sober recently to procrastinate, whinge, bitch, moan, piss, hell, even grump about... luckily today, I have drank, for the first time in three days.

On the topic of booze, I completed my give up booze thing, and raised about £100 or roundabout that much, still collecting the last of it and going to be handing it in next week :)

Where was I? ahh yes, booze, so today, I finally tried Guinness Red, which I must say, was rather nice. It is like your traditional Guinness, flavour wise, but without leaving you with the feeling of having just eaten an 8 course meal. I was a bit dissapointed about the fact it wasn't all that red, but, it was a ligher colour, and if you held it up to a bright light, it actually did have a red tint. So 8 out of 10 from me. But, as you may or may not know, I do love my guinness, so for me to like Guinness Red, you know it's good stuff.

Anyhoo, drinking to be done, and I am far too drunk to do a proper blog, but for those 5 people who read this, I am alive, and I am watching you masturbate at night.

Lots of love, Kristoff

www.myspace.com/tepodd :)

And this made me laugh

2007-04-22T19:56:00.001-07:00

You Are 85% Misanthropic

You are misanthropic to the point of being scary. In your view, people are a disease.
You may want to lighten up a little - before you become a super villain!

How Misanthropic Are You?

Proper blog, coming soon

Fuck me, how long have I left it eh?

2007-04-22T17:23:00.000-07:00

Shit... I haven't actually checked... *goes to check*... Right then 6th March. So, I have left it well over a month. Blimey, what a month and a bit it's been!!

But today I am going to tell you nothing. Because I just realised I quite frankly can't be arsed!!

Still, www.myspace.com/tepodd

I'll come back in a couple of days when I have something to moan about

Geordie Accent Day 10 - Kristoff is alone in the house

2007-03-06T14:21:00.000-08:00

Yup, Day Ten of "Give up the booze you freaking alcohol fiend" challenge.

So, how am I doing? To be honest, I don't think I am doing too bad, I have already stated that I appear to have lost weight, which I am rather happy about, and I feel in better health, however I am finding that I am struggling to sleep more at present, and I also find myself meandering down to the shops, walking straight to the alcohol, wondering why I am there, then going back home.

I really can't be arsed typing much, other than today, I realised why people piss me off... again.

So, I was doing my last day of work for the YMCA shop in Blackpool, which has been a good time, resulting in cheap/first choice at books and clothes, and also when I covered for my mum, £10 for a day of sitting about reading.

The time would have been about 11am, the door is wide open, and a woman walks in, walks up to the counter, coughs loudly, and questions me, "Are you open?" she says, at this point, I wish I had a spine, as I would give her a sarcastic comment, most likely being, "No, I am quite clearly closed, the shutters are up and the door is wide open, does this look like a closed shop to you?... OF COURSE WE'RE BLOODY WELL OPEN YOU IMBECILIC MORON!".

Thankfully, for this imbecilic moron, I know better than this, and I know that, apparently, "The Customer Is Always Right"... I'm unsure on that phrase, I would opt for, "The Customer Is Most Frequently A Moron".

Then, later on in the day, I got pissed off with a bloke who came in smoking a cigarette. I stated that it is a non-smoking shop, (as are most shops in almost everywhere), and if he could stand outside with his cigarette, he apologises and stands in the middle of the shop, RIGHT NEXT TO A BABY!! A baby no more than 13months old, if that, with some old guy smoking blowing the smoke right in the parent and child's face. I then again say that it is a non smoking shop, and can he take his cigarette outside, he moves closer to the door, but still inside, then goes with his cigarette, AND POINTS WITH IT!! at an item of children's clothing, HAS THIS MAN NO BRAIN? NOT A SINGLE CELL!?!?

If you are looking at this blog old man, over your chain smoking habits, here is a simple equation;

Nylon + Cigarette = Fire

Simple as mate, it's called fire, you must have experienced it at some point in your life. I know he wont be reading this however, as he will be sat on his sofa tonight probably black as charcoal from being in a house fire due to a neglected cigarette.

Morons, every single one of them.

Anyways, the day came to a close and I set off for home, and as I passed Oxfam, I had a sudden urge to buy a leather jacket, so I popped in, the girl at the counter waved at me, 1...2...3... "I recognise you", I said cautiously letting my brain tick over, "It's Michaela", she said, of course, now I knew why I recognised her! For the record, she has changed a lot, she has stretched her ears, doesn't look dangerously rake thin anymore, and is no longer obsessed by pretty sparkly girly scene kid things. No, now she is obsessed with faux-punk, grungy, scene kid things. Out of the frying pan into the fire, I guess.

Anyhoo, she let me try a selection of leather jackets on, and I found one I like, which is very similar to the one sported by Christopher Eccleston, in his portrayal of the 9th Doctor.

Like that.

It's made from cow! I love beef.

Night all!!

Kristoff

Since I feel like utter shit...

2007-03-03T12:11:00.000-08:00

Let see what symptoms of alcohol withdrawal I am going through.

Those I am suffering from will be in red

Mild to moderate psychological symptoms:

Feeling of jumpiness or nervousness
Feeling of shakiness
Anxiety
Irritability or easily excited
Emotional volatility, rapid emotional changes
Depression
Fatigue
Difficulty with thinking clearly
Bad dreams

Mild to moderate physical symptoms:

Headache - general, pulsating
Sweating, especially the palms of the hands or the face
Nausea
Vomiting
Loss of appetite
Insomnia, sleeping difficulty
Paleness
Rapid heart rate (palpitations)
Eyes, pupils different size (enlarged, dilated pupils)
Skin, clammy

So there you go. I am quite clearly dieing

Chocolate - The new alcohol?

2007-03-01T14:52:00.000-08:00

Man that question sounds like something out of a Bridget Jones movie! Well, yeah, blah blah blah, I've given up booze, blah blah blah. You know the script now, but prior to giving up booze, I hardly ate chocolate, however, in the past three days I have eaten:

A bag of milk chocolate buttons
A cadburys milk chocolate bar
A crunchie
3 kit kats
5+ chocolate digestives
A chocolate mousse

I'm seriously worried that giving up alcohol is affecting my body in different ways, and I have a funny feeling that my liver is silently grinning thinking, fuck you heart, you're gonna have a heart attack, failing to realise that this result in the livers death too.

Livers are fucking cretinous shits.

So, today, I am sat wishing I wasn't here, I wasn't abstaining from alcohol, and that I was watching Big Hand in Liverpool who quite frankly are ace as big ladies tits. (To be honest, I don't have a thing for tits, or legs, or arse, I just like my girls either curvy or tomboy-esque, infact girls who play guitar = win) But, NO, I'm sat at the computor chomping down the afore mentioned crunchie bar praying for this to be over, although I did get another £6 in sponsorship today, taking the grand total up to £62. Not bad on day 5 is it? 15 DAYS TO GO!! WOOHOO!!

Also, I hate my college, but I'm not going to dwell on it too much, but I will tell you now, that you should never have any plans outside of college, because they will be bastards and trample all over previous plans. If you are reading this you will probably know what I am on about, and if you don't know what I am on about, you should talk to me more on msn!

P.S. Dydd Gwyl Dewi Hapus to all you lot from Wales!!

So, how is it all going so far?

2007-02-28T05:32:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm glad you asked.

So, ok, we all know, that the good comes with the bad. So I will get the bad out of the way.

I have found that, the worst thing about giving up booze, isn't the cravings, or withdrawl symptoms, no, it's the fact that it's fucking boring. I mean, right now, I am bored beyond all belief, and on a normal day, I would pop down to the pub, now, I know technically, I can go to the pub, however, I also know that if I was to go to the pub, I would end up drinking, thus rendering all these past 4 days pointless, and I may aswell never have started. So I think that the worst thing about not drinking is you become bored, it's ok if you choose not to drink, you can go out and not drink, but when you love the drink like I do, it's much harder.

Another thing I have noticed, which makes zero sense, is that I am more randy than usual. I know that sounds hard to believe coming from a guy, most people would think, "Yeah, you have a cock, you're randy all the time", which, is kinda true, but I am usually too drunk to even give a fuck about sex, I just usually moan like an emo twat about how nobody will ever go out with me, which I still think, but at the moment, I don't care, I am just ready to hump peoples legs when they go past me! (You will be glad to know I have managed not to do this....... yet... there are still 16 days left of this challenge, be afraid, be very afraid)

So the good. Much less to type about it. But my blood pressure is decreasing.

Like I said, much less to type about it. It's quite typical of me, tell me to write about ska music, and I really couldn't type much. Tell me to write about strangers, and you would be given ten pages of me just ranting about how much I hate people.

Hmm, will you look at that, technology is taking over, I said "I really couldn't type much"

What does that tell you?

'till next time!

Kristoff

My Red Nose Day Challenge

2007-02-26T03:37:00.000-08:00

Those who know me will already know, I am doing the impossible, thinking the unthinkable, and not drinking the drinkable. I am giving up alcohol for 20 days in aid of Comic Releif.

It's a scary thought innit?

Me, the drinker of all things with a % on the bottle. Not drinking, I soon expect to see shares in breweries and distilleries plummet!

But I guess it is all for a good cause, of course, the obvious reason that the money I raise will go to a fantastic cause, and help children and families in the UK and Africa that need the help.

Also, for the fact that I am going to save money, seriously, I spend all my money on alcohol these days, and what with not having any alcohol to buy, because I can't drink it, I will have money either being unspent, or spent on wiser more permanent things.

Secondly, the health benefits, I have just done my blood pressure, and it reads as 169 over 72, which, all you need to know really, is that, that its a healthy blood pressure, and the lower both the numbers are, the healthier I am. Ideally, a blood pressure more around 140 over 60 is healthier. It would be good if I can get close to that. Whilst I did it, I also discovered that my pulse at the time was 62bpm, which is bloody chilled out I can tell you that for sure.

Also, I hope I lose some weight with cutting out the booze for 20 days. Booze makes you fat, it is a fact, they don't call it a beer belly for nothing. I am currently at the Moby Dick-esque weight of 12stone, which, for a small fella like me, is actually overweight, I should be 10 and a half stone for my height I believe. I also like that weight, I used to be that heavy until I turned 18 and my waist size went west.

So, what have I noticed so far in this, day 2, of the challenge. Well, surprisingly, I haven't had the urge to drink, infact, a friend just said do I fancy going to the pub for a pint, and I really couldn't be arsed for it. As long as I have fruit juices and tea, I am more than happy. Although I don't expect this feeling of not really caring at all to last more than 4 days. It's going to be tricky, but I am going to avoid all purveyors of alcohol until it is over so I am not tempted to the dark side hahah. Also, wierdly enough, I have only have 5 and a half hours sleep, but woke up at 10:30 this morning, and got up straight away, which is something that never happens, because I have usually drank the night before. But I feel fresh as a daisy hahah!

Oh by the way, I have currently been sponsored £55 to do this. Lets see how much money we can raise for charity eh? If you wanna sponsor me, just message me via my myspace @ www.myspace.com/krisball.

Well, off to do stuff on the netterwebz!!

Kristoff x

P.S. Go Google "Jumstyle" and "Youtube", c'est fantastiqué